Month: February 2017

Organization

My last entry was on resolutions and themes, and if you set any, I am guessing that some of you included “getting organized” as one of them.  This one is always a challenge to me.

While I would like to think that I enjoy organization and the perception of control it brings, when I really think about it, I dread it.  It seems like a lot of work.  It really isn’t that enjoyable for me to do.  Admittedly, I love the feeling I get when I am done, but it doesn’t last long, and soon enough I am feeling “disorganized” again.  And, within the last year, there is a new challenge – my little one.  Not that my little one is that messy (yet), but it’s really hard to spend time organizing when he is way more fun to take care of and entertain.  So, how do I stay even remotely in the ballpark of organized (well, at least in my terms)?

Before I had my son, I would do a massive organizational stint in January.  Every weekend was focused on different rooms of the house, and a lot of purging, filing, and donating went on.  I figured, January is my least favorite month anyway, so I might as well focus on getting the house in some degree of order.  And what a long, frustrating month it was.

This year, I am trying something new.  I am doing this partly because I don’t have the motivation to do it all at once and partly because my son isn’t going to give me whole days to devote to organizing.  Every month, I have decided that we will only focus on a room or two.  We have the whole month to get the targeted areas up to date.  This rolling focus means that everything will have been addressed by the end of the year.  And, if all goes well, we will do this every year.  I am already breathing a sigh of relief knowing that I am setting it up to be a constant work in progress with incremental steps along the way.

How about you?  Do you have a routine or process that needs a change up?  How could you do it differently?  Would this change be helpful in your opinion?  I hope you can make the time to think about it if it sparks your interest.

Resolutions

Did you make any resolutions at the beginning of the year?  If so, how are they going?

If they are going well, congratulations!  I am happy for your progress.

If they are not going well, do you know why that is so?  There’s nothing wrong with you or your answers here.  Most of us realize that life does not always go according to plan.  There are twists and turns along the way, and that may be contributing to a lack of progress towards resolutions.

Maybe you didn’t make any resolutions at all, which can be downright liberating in and of itself.

If your resolutions have not gone well so far this year or if you didn’t make any, perhaps you might consider changing things up and giving your year a theme.  What exactly does that mean?  That’s the beauty of it – you can define it in any way you want!  For example, for 2017, I have decided that for me, this is the year of “creation”.  What does that mean to me?  For starters, it is very broad.  It includes creating time for family and friends, creating value at work, and creating blog entries, among many other things.  I am also working to create different forms of art and writing, such as drawing and poetry.  In my mind, the possibilities for this theme are endless, and there are so many activities that can be applied to it.

Of course, some of you may look at my theme and think it is way too overwhelming.  Themes can be as specific or open as you like.  Regardless of what sounds right for you, I challenge you to consider having a theme for the year.  And, you don’t have to declare it right at the beginning of the year – you can start your theme at any time.  Enjoy considering this possibility!

Get Out of Here

Getting out of town.  Getting away from it all.  Most people find some comfort in having a change in scenery every once in awhile, and travel for fun can have many benefits.

I am a huge fan of recreational travel.  I wouldn’t necessarily want to do it all of the time, but I am constantly thinking about where our next trip will be.  Travel does so much in my opinion.  First of all, I look at travel as an educational experience – new places, new people, new sounds, new cultures – it really broadens your mind and experience.  Next, it allows you to spend quality time with yourself or others.  Also, it can give you the recharge and renewal you need when you do go back home.  There are numerous other benefits, but I think most of us find travel to be a rewarding experience.

I’ve made travel sound easy and fun, but how do you do it when caring for someone with a mental illness?  Here are some things to consider and question.  Travel doesn’t have to mean far away or gone for many days.  Is there somewhere locally you can visit for even a few hours?  Is there a town nearby that you can explore?  Can you take a long weekend?  While you do these activities, are there trusted friends, family, or respite services that you can use to help give you a break?  Would the person you care for and you both benefit from traveling together?  Even if these ideas sound impossible right now, what about traveling virtually on the computer?  There are a lot of places that have live cameras or websites that show things you can see if you are actually there.  Reading can also mentally take you to places as well.  Although you may feel like a big vacation is not possible, what are some steps you can take to eventually make that happen?   If you give yourself even a little bit of time to consider it, I hope you will see there are ways to get the benefits of traveling no matter what is going on in your world.

Control

Most pharmacists I believe are control freaks, and I am no exception.  I want to plan and coordinate and make sure everything goes the way I expect it to.  Hilarious stuff, I know.  Throw in having a child and it becomes even funnier.  What’s worse is I’m someone who thinks they can control external events but doesn’t usually think about what I actually can control.  But, I am trying to work on really thinking it through.

There are so many things in this world I can’t control – the weather, illness, what other people say and do, and so on.  I have to let it go, because if I think I can control any of it, I am going to be disappointed so many times that I might start to get depressed.  How can I let it go?  For me, that can include praying or meditating.  For you, that may mean some other type of spiritual exercise or activity.  Also, this is not a “one and done” practice.  This is a constant work in progress for me.

Once I work through the things I can’t control, I am trying to focus on what I can.  I can control how I react to life.  I can control how I spend my time.  I can control how I spend my money.  A lot of the time, I catch myself just drifting along in my own life, when I could be making deliberate choices about me and exerting the control I so desperately want to use on everything else!  Ah, the insights you discover when you keep pushing to learn about yourself and your world.

If “regular life” wasn’t enough, control can take on a whole new meaning when caring with someone with mental illness.  It can feel like you have no control over anything in this scenario, but perhaps thinking about what to let go and what YOU can control will help.  Most of the time, this is not an easy road, and it may feel like there isn’t even the time to think about it.  However, taking a moment to process your thoughts on control might really help your perspective.  This in turn can help you be a better caregiver.  I encourage you to give it a try if you can.

Rest

Last night I did not feel good – as the evening went on I started aching all over and had chills so bad I was shivering.  I was able to breastfeed my son before bed, but after that I just collapsed.  And, instead of setting my alarm for the usual time, I set it for 90 minutes later.  Typically, I get up early, before anyone else, so I can exercise, blog, and take some time to myself.  As much as I love some “me” time, I chose to give that up this morning because I knew that rest would be the better option.

I have learned over the years that skipping sleep, especially when you are not feeling well, is a step on the road to disaster.  For me, my body will make me pay until I finally submit and get some extra rest.  In fact, it’s always amazing to me that my body seems to be very good at making me slow down when it needs to recharge and regroup.  Fighting my body is futile.  So, instead of waiting until my tank is running on empty, I am trying to be more proactive about getting some rest and slowing down.  And, while I hate thinking that I am not getting things done so I can rest, I know that in the long run I will be better off for doing so.

How about you?  Even when you know you need the rest, do you try to power through because there is too much to do?  Do you make the conscious decision to rest, or do you wait until you are really sick?  I encourage everyone to listen more to your body and give yourself the rest it needs.  Easier said than done I know, but I know I am way better this morning than I would have been without the extra 90 minutes of rest.  Make sure you are giving yourself the space to have some down time, and you may find that you can actually be more productive including it in your life.

Caring for the Caregiver

If you have been reading my blog, you know that recently I announced that I would be focusing my services on caregivers of those who are mentally ill.  No matter what the situation, caregiving can be tough stuff, but I think that caring for those with mental illness can have some very specific challenges.

It can be hard to care for someone who physically looks ok – you don’t see any broken bones or wounds, and they may interact with the world in what would be considered a “normal” way.  But, over time, you learn that there are wounds and scars, you just don’t physically see them.  It can be so hard to empathize with them, however.  “It’s all in his or her head.”  “Why can’t they just snap out of it?”  “He or she needs to stop pretending something is wrong.”  “They just want attention.”  These are all things I admit to saying about someone I love that has suffered from a mental illness, and there is guilt now from ever believing those things.

There are other factors, but caregiving for the mentally ill can be physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually draining.  It can take away time to meet with friends, exercise, go to church, or many other activities that are important to you.  It can frustrate you, make you cry, and make you angry.

My hope is that you can begin to look at your caregiving situation and see what you are missing that you really enjoy.  Once you know that, it is time to start thinking about what is most important to you and how you can fit that into your life.  That can certainly be hard to do, but you are already doing some hard stuff.  Although you may doubt yourself, you are doing the best you can to take care of someone else.  How do you turn that around and do your best to take care of yourself?

Background

While I may have hinted at my experiences with mental health, I am not sure if I have shared much of my story.  I would like to do that today.  I plan to keep it concise, but understand that I could spend a lot of time talking about all of the details.

To get it out there right away – I have lost 3 family members to suicide.  The first was my older cousin Craig, who died in March of 2011.  His son Aaron, also my cousin, died in March of 2014.  These losses were painful, but the one that hit me the hardest was my dad, Dan, who died on July 27, 2012.  It was my mom’s 58th birthday.

There is so much to say about each one of these men.  I will focus on my dad, though, because he is the one I knew the best.  No matter when it happens, suicide is a shock to the system.  My dad had fought several rounds of depression before this, and we knew it could happen, but we never truly believed it would.

My dad had his first round of depression the summer of 2000, which was between high school and college for me.  He was able to get better and go back to work and life.  His second round was early 2011 after a bladder surgery – again, he got better, but unfortunately this time he had no job to go back to.  He seemed ok with it, but he didn’t have much free time until he was depressed again in the spring of 2012.  July of 2012 was awful for us – he had a small stroke at the beginning of the month, and things just got worse from there.

In hindsight, I think he died because of a recent change of medications.  When you are very depressed you can have suicidal thoughts, but you might not be able to act on them.  When you start to take a medication and it works, you can still have the suicidal thoughts and then also have the momentum to carry them through.  As a pharmacist, I knew this was a possibility, and you will find warnings on drugs that discuss this.  I felt major guilt after he died because I didn’t use my education to see this coming.  Of course, that is silly to think I was responsible, but that is just one of the many things I have dealt with.

Based on this brief background, I feel that I know what it is like to live around mental illness.  There are so many challenges and issues and things you never wanted to think about.  It is a tough road, but it can get better.  There is always hope.  And, even though the 3 men here are gone, they are remembered and honored for being a part of our lives.

I share all of this not for your sympathy, but to convey that it can indeed happen to you or someone you care about.  My guess is that most people know someone with some type of mental illness.  Sadly, mental illness is everywhere, but the more we talk about it the more things will hopefully change for the better.  I hope that this is the beginning of sharing some great insights about mental illness and helping the caregivers of those with mental illness.  I look forward to our journey together.

Changing Focus

Every once in awhile, and I assume like most others, I get a flash of inspiration.  This weekend, I had one of them that will change the focus of what I am doing with my blog and my business.  Currently, I am open to working on health and wellness with anyone, and that doesn’t have to change.  However, I would like to start focusing on health and wellness for a particular group of individuals – those that care for people with mental illness.

Although I have not personally struggled with mental illness, it has been in my family for many years.  I understand the challenges and stress that can come with these illnesses.  I’ve been there.  And, although I imagine that having a mental illness is awful, I also know that caregivers of those with mental illness need to be taken care of as well.  I firmly believe that you can’t take care of someone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.  And, taking care of yourself means working on your personal health and wellness.

So, today I am letting the world know – if you are a caregiver for someone with a mental illness, I want to help make sure that you are taking care of your health and wellness.  I want you to be at your best so you can take care of those that need you.  Despite the challenges of caregiving, I believe there are ways to fit in self care, and I am interested in helping you on your journey.