April 2017 - Dr. Dawn, The Suicide Prevention Pharmacist

A Beautiful Mess

Like most mornings that I wake up before everyone else in the house, I have a few minutes to look around and think about what the house looks like. Honestly, I don’t spend too much time on it, but depending on who you ask, it certainly wouldn’t come close to a ”Better Homes and Gardens” or a “Martha Stewart Living” photo spread. There are toys scattered everywhere, little crumbs on the floor wherever my son has had food, and there seems to be never-ending piles of stuff in many places. And, to be realistic, the little messes my son makes are probably nothing compared to what he will come up with as a toddler. Yes, I look at this almost every day, but I don’t get frustrated, and honestly that amazes me sometimes. Why doesn’t this create some anxiety for me?

10 years ago my now daily scene would have bothered me – that was back when I lived on my own and could control everything – when and what I cleaned, plus I only had to clean up after myself. Enter a husband and a child and that changes everything. It’s not that I don’t completely care anymore, but there are things that are way more important to me now than keeping a spotless home. We take care of the basics – clothes and dishes are clean, the house does get cleaned and organized on a regular basis, and we keep things sanitary. You are just not going to see a lot of sparkle and shine at our place.

So what is more important to me? Simple. Living and being. Spending time with my husband and son. Being with them instead of obsessing over having a spotless, perfect home. Who can live in a perfect home anyway? When I look around our home in the morning, I either move on or smile, because it tells me that I live in a house with a lot of love and lot of laughter. Where life is lived and not just made to look good. It’s not a mess to me, but rather a beautiful testament to a family actually living and enjoying life.

The Weight

For any of you that know me well, you know that I have been battling with my weight for years now. Growing up and through college and my early working life, I didn’t really give the matter too much thought. Luckily, I was surrounded by friends and family who didn’t shame me for my weight, and I pretty much just did what I wanted around eating. In my late 20s, though, I would go for my annual checkup and find that my blood pressure and cholesterol levels were getting worse, not to mention I felt more tired all of the time. Once I started seeing myself at risk for health problems (and I was old enough to start seeing that my mortality was indeed a thing) I took action. I have pretty much been exercising and dieting ever since. Several times and in several ways I have lost around 85 pounds, but have gained some or most of it back. My latest round of weight gain was due to my pregnancy, so I honestly don’t regret that, but there is still quite a bit of that weight that I would be fine with eliminating.

The good news for me is through all of this I have finally started to get real about what diet and exercise should be. I have done the heavy exercising thing. I have done the very few calories thing. I have spent time avoiding my favorite foods and absolutely hating how deprived I felt. Another element after having a baby is that I simply don’t have the time to go all out on something either. So, what am I doing now?

In general, I am looking at my “diet” as simply what I eat – no starvation or deprivation. I have learned about some great things out there and I have tried to apply them. Some common themes are to eat real food and think about how added sugar can be an issue. Now, I do try to avoid some things most of the time – bread, some dairy, soy, and some other things, but I do have something I crave every once in awhile. For example, last night I had some ice cream, and it was delicious! I am also trying to at least get 30 minutes of exercise or movement into my day at least 5 days a week. It is nothing extreme, but there are definitely some benefits to making it happen.

How about you? Do you even think about what you eat and if you exercise? If not, is it something worth considering? If you do think about it, do you think what you are doing is realistic and something you can do in the long run? My hope is that you can find a healthy way to eat and move in ways that are realistic and beneficial.

One Percent

It seems like everywhere I look when it comes to personal development and/or work, I am being told to make SMART goals. You might have heard of it – SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-Based. Maybe it’s just me, but I find goal setting incredibly boring, especially at work. It already blocks my creativity and thinking by having to follow someone else’s idea of how to set a goal. Of course, there may be a time and place for them, and they probably do serve a purpose, but I am not a big fan of the SMART goals.

Something that I really have enjoyed hearing about recently is what I would call incremental change. Here, the focus is on becoming and/or doing a little bit better as time goes on. The thinking is that even with a 1 or 5 percent improvement you can see changes. You may not measure it exactly as a certain percentage of improvement, but you know are doing better. An example would be exercise. Say you work out for 15 minutes a day 3 days a week – what if you increased that to 20 minutes a day 3 days a week? Without having to do specific measurements, we understand that this change can lead to greater health. Again, having measurable goals can be important to demonstrate change, but there are things that don’t require such rigid measurement to see an improvement.

I also like the idea of incremental change because it encourages me to think about what I can do now instead of being paralyzed by a big goal that seems overwhelming. All of the little steps can add up to something big, so what little steps can you or I take today to show improvement? Whether it is related to health, work, hobbies, etc., I encourage you to see what small changes you can make to improve your life.

Let’s Talk About TED

One of the websites I have listed on my resources page is www.ted.com – this will take you to a huge number of TED talks. Today, I wanted to explain a little bit about TED and how I find their talks to be a great way to learn and be inspired.

TED stands for technology, entertainment, and design. TED has events each year, and there are also independent TEDx events all over the world. There slogan is “Ideas worth spreading”, and I just love the idea of it! TED talks are typically 20 minutes or less and can cover any topic. I first heard about TED around 5 years ago when my local community was hosting a TEDx event. I went to it and really enjoyed the day, thus making me a fan of TED ever since. I really like the concept of being able to learn and be challenged and/or inspired in such a short amount of time. People have amazing stories, research, and solutions that they are sharing with the world, and I appreciate the fact that a lot of this is free for anyone to watch.

While it can be wonderful (depending on who you ask) to sit with your thoughts and/or read about something in-depth, TED talks provide an efficient and concise way to present an idea. This is great because most of us do not have the time or attention to give to a bunch of ideas – TED talks allow you to learn something, and if you want to explore the idea further you can pursue that after the talk. So, I encourage everyone to head over to the TED website and pick any talk that interests you and see if or how you enjoy the talk. If you are like me, you may start watching a ton of them and start losing track of time, but no matter what you do I hope you will find it was time well spent.

Reading

For anyone who knows me well, you know that I am an avid reader. Honestly, there are times when I am obsessed with it – I will carry a book or my Kindle with me, and I will find every free moment to have that book out reading. Of course, there are some books that I like more than others, and there are some that apply to the topics that I blog about. Today I will list a few books that I have read recently and would recommend to you if you are interested. These books are also listed on my Resources page.

1.Permission to Parent by Robin Berman – this is a great book that to me gets back to the basics of parenting. Parents are not here to answer to a child’s every whim and be their friend, parents are here to help (in a positive and supportive way) make sure their child(ren) become self-sufficient adults (assuming no serious disabilities). Parenting a lot of the time may mean doing some hard things, but in the end it will be worth the effort, and I appreciate that this book is out there.

2.The Nature Fix by Florence Williams – this book to me speaks to the power of nature to help heal, restore, and prevent stress and disease. Nature may not be the ultimate cure, but the information and stories presented here make for a compelling case that nature can definitely help all of us on our journey to or maintenance of health and wellness.

3.Miracle Mindset by JJ Virgin – this book includes a miraculous story and the lessons that came with it. I won’t share those lessons, but I think this is a great book for a caregiver of someone with mental illness. Although you may not describe your situation as a miracle, there are lessons in the book that I think can really apply to any difficult situation that you may be facing.

Of course, I understand that it may be hard to find the time to read or maybe you are not all that into reading. That’s fine. Perhaps you can get an audio version or at the very least go to the author’s website to possibly get an idea of the major themes. Whatever works for you is what is important. Regardless, knowledge can be helpful, and I hope these recommendations might help in some way.

Advocacy

Awhile ago I attended a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Smarts for Advocacy class. In this class you learn tips and tools for sharing your story and effective ways to write, call, or talk with your policymakers. Although my brain was definitely tired by the end of it, I was very appreciative to have the information. I also imagine a lot of people (including me) can get a lot of benefit from the workshop.

To be honest, I have not been much on the advocacy side of things since my dad passed away. I have always complained and criticized the system that he had to navigate through, but criticizing and complaining doesn’t usually get you very far. While it definitely stretches my comfort zone and my interest, lately I have been feeling the nudge to advocate more for mental health. Instead of resisting it, I am exploring what that means for me and what I can do.

Although this nudge to action is very personal, I think part of it is from an overall sense of increased civic engagement in our country. Our political climate right now is uneasy at best. People are protesting and getting involved everywhere, and although it isn’t always pretty, I am inspired by the peaceful civic action that has been spreading. There are so many issues out there, so many things that need improvement. I am glad to see people getting out there and fighting for what they believe is right, and I hope that for many mental health is at the top of the list.

Although the definition of advocacy can be pretty broad, I feel like I am just starting my advocacy journey. While I am interested in many issues, my work will start with focusing on and improving mental health for all. I sent my first email to one of my state lawmakers in February and plan to visit the state legislature. I don’t know what all will happen from here, but at least I am following the nudge to move forward and help improve what we currently have. It may not be easy for me, but I know there is meaning in trying to constructively change the mental health landscape.

Rain

It is early morning again, and everyone else in the house is still asleep. It is quiet and peaceful, and my morning just got even better – I can hear it raining on the roof. Ah, I love the sound of a gentle rain and some rolling thunder in the background – it makes me want to go back to bed because I feel like I can sleep so well when this is happening. I won’t go back to bed, but my stress level about everything I need to get done today has went down just because I enjoy this experience. I like to think of it as a type of meditation.

This also has me thinking about common experiences that can be used as a way to relax and find some peace, which can be hard to do in this frantic and fast-paced world. I can think of others that I really enjoy when I take the time to do so, and they are all free. Looking at the stars, the sounds of a summer night, the smell of the earth after it rains just a little, the beautiful green of late spring, big puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky, lightning bugs in the early summer, and trees with orange leaves in the fall are some examples in my part of the world. How about where you live? What things that you sense help you to pause and enjoy the moment? Can you begin to purposely seek those out?

As you may have noticed, everything I have talked about so far in this post has been about nature, but there are other things that can bring some moments of joy and peace. For me, that includes hearing a child laugh, laughter in general, and a kind word or compliment from someone. Again, as far as I know, these are all experiences that don’t have to cost money. What non-nature things can help you to enjoy the moment? Again, can you begin to seek those out? I hope this post gives you some ideas on little ways to create more joy and calm into your life.