September 2017 - Dr. Dawn, The Suicide Prevention Pharmacist

Lonely vs. Being Alone

Although I love spending time with friends and family, I also love spending time alone. I am a big reader, so that usually requires some alone time. I also like to have the time to think and contemplate what is going on in the world and in my life. In these situations, I make the choice to be alone, and I am happy to keep myself occupied. This is very different from being lonely.

To me, loneliness is when people do not make the choice to be alone – in fact, they are lonely because they want to be around others but their circumstances do not allow that to happen. Loneliness can negatively affect quality of life and there are even studies that suggest that loneliness can lead to an earlier death. The mechanics of why that happens are probably not completely understood, but on an intuitive level I think we can understand why being around others is so important to our health and well being.

So, to me there is a difference. Being alone is a choice. Loneliness is something we wish to change. How do you move away from loneliness? It can be hard to do, but reaching out can be a first step. Even if it is hard to leave your home, if you have the internet and/or a phone you can connect with others in those ways. The internet is great for finding people who have similar interests as you do. You can also possibly connect with neighbors and those that are close to where you live. Churches are also a great place to find connection. The good news is that there are lots of ways to connect.

For me, I am fortunate enough to have the problem of not always feeling like I have any alone time. To create that I have to work with my loved ones to carve out that time. Sometimes just a few hours on my own will recharge me for awhile, and I am so grateful that I get to make it happen.

Maybe you are lonely. Maybe you need some alone time. Maybe you have a great balance of this already – if so, good for you! But, if you don’t, I encourage you to think about how you might be able to get to the level of connection that is right for you.

Eclipse

Recently there was a total eclipse that could be seen in the United States. The type of eclipse was where the moon was in front of the sun, creating darkness for a few minutes during the middle part of the day. I don’t watch a lot of news, but this seemed to be a big event for a lot of people. Even members of my family took time off of work to experience it. Personally, I wasn’t that interested in the event – I worked that day and even did boring things like go to the dentist. The weather where I was located was also pretty cloudy, so it would have been challenging to see it. However, I did watch some coverage on the news, and afterwards I was struck by a couple of things.

While I already noted that I wasn’t all that excited about the eclipse, what I really enjoyed seeing was all of the people who had come together to watch it. It was so great to see people sharing a common experience and having it be a peaceful thing. That is something you do not see on the news too often these days.

I also enjoyed the sense of wonder people had. I’m not sure why I didn’t have that feeling, but I could relate to what people were feeling. This was something bigger than all of us. It was also a reminder of the fragility of our own humanity. To paraphrase someone who was interviewed on TV, “How can you look at the eclipse and not think that God exists?” I totally agreed with that, because there are things that have moved me in that way – my son being born at the top of the list. My hope is that no matter what the eclipse was something positive and/or beautiful for you to reflect on.

White Coat Ceremony

Recently, I attended a “White Coat Ceremony” for a college of pharmacy class – in this case, the class of 2021. When I started pharmacy school in 2002 I also attended one. I am sure this is done for other professions and at other schools, but essentially it is a way to welcome students into the training of their chosen profession. In the ones I have attended, each student is coated with a white lab jacket as a way to symbolize their entry into their studies. It can be a very big moment for students. For me, it was a way to say that all of my hard work and dedication were paying off – assuming I continued to work hard and study, I would be a pharmacist. The competition, although still somewhat there, was lessened quite a bit as well. Once you were in pharmacy school there was a strong support system to make sure you made it through, and I was happy to be accepted.

I have been to a white coat ceremony for the last three years, and I am always amazed at how inspiring it is for me. I go because I mentor some of the pharmacy students, and it is wonderful to see how engaged and professional these students seem to be. Going to this event gives me hope for our future health care providers. Currently, I think a lot about our current health care system is broken, and my hope is that these students will pave the way for something better. And, while I don’t think a pill is the answer to everything, I do think pharmacists can have a major impact on education and coaching patients. The role of a pharmacist is expanding, and I look forward to seeing how it evolves in these future classes. Overall, the white coat ceremony is a wonderful way to celebrate an important milestone in the life of a student.

You Think You Know…

Although this comes up from time to time, lately it seems there have been several people in our local area that we know that are in trouble with the law. It is a weird feeling because until you hear about civil or criminal charges or allegations against someone, you just assume (or, at least I do) that the person is honestly and morally going about their days. I’m not here to judge – that is certainly not my place. But, it sometimes feels like you have been betrayed by the person. What you thought you knew isn’t correct.

Have you experienced something like this before? Maybe it wasn’t an example where the person ended up being sued or in jail, but maybe you found out someone wasn’t the person you thought they were. I suspect that has happened to most of us, especially the older we are. How did you feel? What, if anything, did you do about it? It can be hard to make these realizations, and I also wonder sometimes if people have any intent of deceiving others. I am sure some do, but again, that probably starts getting into the judgment I don’t believe I should be doing.

Then, of course, if someone can do that to you, you can most certainly deceive others as well. This is the part I feel I can do something about, or, at least my intentions can be transparent. Unfortunately, we probably deceive others even if we don’t mean to do so. But, I can choose to be as intentional and honest with others as I can. If something worrisome is going on, I can be honest about it with others too. All easier said than done, but my overall ask of myself is to be as real with others as I can, and I encourage you do to the same.

CD

Do you remember CDs (aka Compact Disks)? Do you still own any? Do you actually play any CDs that you still have? I have to say that even though most music is digital these days, I am still a big fan of the CD. I also really enjoy cassette tapes and records. There is something about just holding the music in your hands that sometimes makes it seem more real.

Right now, I am taking some CDs that are new to me and ripping them onto my computer so I have a digital copy of them. Why do I do this if I like CDs so much? I do it because sometimes I will wear out CDs from playing them so much. Also, it makes sense that the digital files aren’t as bulky to carry around when you are on the go. Even though I have to go through this process to make my music more portable I still enjoy buying and playing CDs.

Doing this also makes me think of my dad. Back when I was little, he took all of his records and recorded them onto cassette tapes. After CDs came out, he essentially just bought the CD version of the records he had. So, at one point, I remember my dad having 3 formats for the same music. Instead of thinking it was a waste, I thought it was pretty cool. This was a guy who loved music so much, and today I still share that love with him. So, I will be buying CDs as long as I can. But, I probably will also rip them, because even though I love the past, I still try to live in today.

How about you? Do you have a favorite type of music format? If so, what can you play and enjoy today?

Perfectionism

Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist? Today, I would say that I am a recovering one. I am not sure if it is anything I will ever completely be free of, but I like to think that my perfectionist tendencies have decreased and continue to do so. And, while there are those who might think perfectionism is something to strive for, I am posting today about how dangerous I think perfectionism can be for your wellness.

To start off, what does it mean to be “perfect” anyway? Who decides? You? The people in your life? That is already a check mark against perfectionism – if everyone thinks it means something different it might be hard to attain.

Next, perfectionism can take up a lot of time and decrease productivity and efficiency. If you are paying attention to every little detail and making it “perfect” in your mind, how do you ever get anything done? Also, what else are you missing out on when you work on making something perfect?

Then, how does this process make you feel? Do you get a sense of accomplishment? Or, does it never seem good enough?

Lastly, if everything is perfect, do you learn anything from it? A lot of times the greatest learning comes from mistakes we make along the way – not that we shouldn’t do our best, but there is a line between completing a task and trying to make it perfect.

Overall, to me it seems that perfectionism has many down sides, and I hope the questions above have you thinking that perfectionism is not the answer. Give your best with what you have, but let go of that perfectionist ideal. In reality, life is messy, and it is certainly not perfect for anyone. Spend your time working on a life that is meaningful, messy, and real instead of one that is “perfect” in your mind.

The Plan

Are you a planner? Do you enjoy looking ahead at the next day, week, month, or year and scheduling events or thinking about what lies ahead?

I am a very big planner. As long as I can remember, I have always had a planner and/or calendar to keep track of assignments, projects, appointments, and meetings, among other things. These days, my calendar is electronic and shared with my husband, and to-dos usually end up on a notebook I keep in my purse. Regardless of how it gets done I secretly enjoy the sense of “keeping it together” with these items.

Lately, however, I am beginning to wonder if I spend too much time planning. Is that possible? I think so. I am wondering how it may take me away from more important things, like family, friends, and just living life. Maybe I am not missing any major things, but what small things am I missing? Am I missing playing with my child? Am I a missing a conversation with my spouse? Again, probably smaller things, but still important things that make up a day…and a life. My concern is that in planning so many things I forget to live in the moment. I forget to just live. So, one thing I would like to work on is spending less time planning and more time living. And, I would encourage you to do the same. Now, I understand some planning is necessary – bills have to be paid, food has to be obtained, children have to get to school, and so on. What I am asking myself and others is to make sure we are not wasting precious time planning if it is not necessary. Easier said than done, but I hope to make it a reality in my life. How about you? Do you feel the need to cut back on your planning? What steps can you take today to live more and plan less?

Dreams

While I wasn’t planning to write about dreams this morning, I just woke up from a very vivid one, so I changed my topic for today. As you can tell, I am talking about the dreams we have while we are sleeping. There are also the dreams that we consciously think about and hopefully pursue during the day, but that is a topic for another entry. Right now, I am wondering why we dream and why some of them seem so real.

The dream I just had was a little scary. I was working at the office of one of my older jobs, and for some reason my husband was working there too. I happened to look out a window, and all of the sudden I see this huge, wide tornado develop right before my eyes. It looks a little too close to comfort for me, so I start yelling tornado and finding my way to a safer spot. The big tornado disappears just as quickly as it came, but other, smaller tornadoes seem to be developing just as quickly as the first one. What really struck me was how I profoundly felt the dream – I felt truly scared and in danger. Luckily, of course, I woke up, but I could still feel the fear I was having in the dream. It has definitely set a weird tone for my morning.

Supposedly, dreaming is a part of sleeping, but does everyone remember a dream every once in awhile? Are there people who don’t remember any dreams? Why do I feel like I know I am dreaming sometimes, but other times they seem so real? Do dreams have meaning? If so, what meanings can be attached to them? Although fascinating, this is a world I do not know much about. There are books on what dreams mean, but I think that is an individual choice to decide what (if any) meaning you place on what you dream. It is definitely an area that could benefit from more understanding, and until then, a lot of us are left to wonder about our nightly dreams.

The Wave

Some of the days I experience can be so hard to explain. Yesterday was definitely one of those days. By all accounts, it was a great day – another beautiful summer day that I got to spend with people that I love. But, the whole day I was plagued with waves of sadness and thoughts that I am not good enough. I am not a good enough wife, a good enough daughter, a good enough mother, a good enough sister, and on and on. I also felt like my current life didn’t have a lot of meaning to it – that I was just going through the motions of a day. I was scared that I will feel dead inside if I continue along like this. I know, some pretty heavy thoughts for a beautiful summer day.

Right now, it is early morning. Will I feel the same today? I’m not sure. But, I have had days like this before, and luckily for me it always seems to last for a few days at most. From what I understand, having days like this and thoughts like this is pretty common and pretty normal. However, it is when these types of days go on for several weeks that it starts becoming a problem that needs professional help. As I’ve said before, life is a mix of joy and grief. We have our good days. We have our bad days. We have a lot of days in between. But we carry it all around together. I don’t thoroughly enjoy my sad days, but they do happen, and I understand that more than likely it will pass. If they don’t, however, I need to start thinking about getting help.

How about you? Do you have sad days? What typically happens in your experience? If the sad days continue to last, do you have a plan for getting help? I encourage you to think about how you plan to deal with these scenarios if they should happen to you.