Month: November 2018

When it comes to programs and campaigns for mental health, I tend to think the more of them we have available, the better we are at spreading awareness.  So, it is always a nice surprise to hear about a program or campaign that I have never heard of before, but of course is already doing great work.  Today I want to mention a program that is working at college campuses.

I first heard about this last week from my alma mater’s school newspaper, and I knew I needed to find out more.  The program is called Fresh Check Day, and you can find them at freshcheckday.com.  Taking the information right from their website, it describes what Fresh Check Day is:

Fresh Check Day, the signature program of the Jordan Porco Foundation, is an uplifting mental health promotion and suicide prevention event that includes interactive expo booths, peer-to-peer messaging, support of multiple campus departments and groups, free food, entertainment, and exciting prizes and giveaways. Fresh Check Day aims to create an approachable and hopeful atmosphere where students are encouraged to engage in dialogue about mental health and helps to build a bridge between students and the mental health resources available on campus, in the community, and nationally.

The website goes on to explain the program in more detail, and goals are also mentioned.  Overall, I think this is great idea, and I support the work Fresh Check Day is doing to get the word out about mental health on college campuses.  While a lot of times I only focus on working adults and mental illness, it is important to remember that mental health is important for any age, including our college students.  I hope you get the chance to take a look at Fresh Check Day’s website and learn more about how this program can help others.

Last night (as of this writing) I went to a Phil Collins concert, and it absolutely blew me away.  And, while I am not here to do concert reviews, I have to talk about the last song of the concert.  The song is called “Take Me Home”, and there appears to be some discrepancies about the meaning of the song.  Now, I cannot prove it, but if you look on the internet, and based on what I have seen and heard, Phil has said this song is about living in a mental institution.  And, it may be based off of the movie “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”.  I have only seen the movie once, but honestly for me that was enough, as I found it very tough to watch.  But, for today, I am going to post the lyrics, and you can judge for yourself what you think the song is about.  If it is truly about living in a mental institution, you can see how moving this song really is.  Enjoy.

“Take Me Home” by Phil Collins

Take that look of worry
I’m an ordinary man
They don’t tell me nothing
So I find out what I can
There’s a fire that’s been burning
Right outside my door
I can’t see but I feel it
And it helps to keep me warm
So I, I don’t mind
No I, I don’t mind

Seems so long I’ve been waiting
Still don’t know what for
There’s no point escaping
I don’t worry anymore
I can’t come out to find you
I don’t like to go outside
They can’t turn off my feelings
Like they’re turning off a light
But I, I don’t mind
No I, I don’t mind
Oh I, I don’t mind
No I, I don’t mind

So take, take me home
Cos I don’t remember
Take, take me home
Cos I don’t remember
Take, take me home
Cos I don’t remember
Take, take me home, oh lord
Cos I’ve been a prisoner all my life
And I can say to you

Take that look of worry, mine’s an ordinary life
Working when it’s daylight
And sleeping when it’s night
I’ve got no far horizons
I don’t wish upon a star
They don’t think that I listen
Oh but I know who they are
And I, I don’t mind
No I, I don’t mind
Oh I, I don’t mind
No I, I don’t mind

So take, take me home
Cos I don’t remember
Take, take me home
Cos I don’t remember
Take, take me home
Cos I don’t remember
Take, take me home, oh lord
Well I’ve been a prisoner all my life
And I can say to you

But I don’t remember
Take, take me home…

After getting a few facials in the past several months, I have decided to pay more attention to keeping my face healthy.  I know that may sound weird, but my face has been very dry, and I have been told that if I don’t do something about it that blood vessels will start to break and that it will show on my face.  So, honestly, it took having my vanity threatened for me to do anything about it.  Now I am cleansing, hydrating, and exfoliating my face like a champ, so we will see how that works.  Regardless of my new process, it has got me to thinking about our faces in general.

Our are faces important?  I think so, and I’m not the only one.  National Geographic magazine did a large cover story on a facial transplant a few months ago, and it is pretty hard to go throughout the day without seeing a face, whether on TV or in print or in person.  Faces are everywhere, and they are an important part of our identity.

No doubt depression and mental illness can influence our face.  It can change our facial expressions, and it can convey the sadness or anguish we may feel.  But, by being a “face of depression” or other mental disorder, we can show people that those affected by depression or mental illness look almost exactly like any other faces in the world.  Our faces can be a powerful force in conveying the need for treatment and the hope of recovery.  Does this mean we need to put make up on and look a certain way?  I don’t think that is the case.  I think the hope comes in showing our faces, no matter what they look like.  And, while I think it is good to take care of yourself (including your face), the important piece is to try to show your face and tell your story.

For survivors of depression, suicide loss, or any other mental health issue, it is not a one time experience that comes and goes.  Even though you might not have that type of experience again, it still gets reimagined and you still reflect on what happened.  Today, I want to share my current experience related to being a suicide loss survivor.

I lost my dad to suicide over 6 years ago.  Time has made the pain typically less acute, but the grief does not totally go away, nor would I expect it to.  I live with grief everyday, and I carry it alongside my other emotions as a human being.  However, what still manages to surprise me are what I call “flashes of grief”.  These seem to come out of nowhere, and it can happen anywhere and at anytime.  Even with these, I don’t worry about them happening, but it still will catch me off guard.  Over the past week, however, I’ve noticed something different.  And, maybe it has happened before, but this just might be the first time I’ve really thought about it.  And that is the frequency of these “flashes of grief” has been very high.  I’ve had several times in the car this last week that I just got really sad over my dad, and I also had a very vivid dream that was upsetting to me.  Then, last night I was at a concert and I was overwhelmed with grief several times there.

What does it all mean?  I’m not sure, but my personal opinion is that my dad is wanting me to pay attention to something.  There is something important he needs to share with me or show me, and I need to be ready for it.  Well, he’s got my attention.  I may not be right about what this means, but I understand that this is still a part of my grief, and I will work through it just like I have before.

As I write this, today (October 10^th) is World Mental Health Day.  According to Wikipedia, the purpose of the day is to educate the world about mental health, spread awareness, and advocate against the social stigma of mental illness.  This day was first celebrated in 1992 by the World Federation for Mental Health, which is a global mental health organization with members and connections in over 150 countries.  Each year typically also has a theme, and for 2018 the theme is “Young people and mental health in a changing world”.

For some countries, including the United States of America, this day falls during an awareness week.  In the U.S., we have Mental Illness Awareness Week, which is the first full week in October.  According to the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) website, Congress officially established Mental Illness Awareness Week in 1990.  For 2018, Mental Illness Awareness Week is October 7-13 and NAMI is promoting a theme of “CureStigma”.

To me, it is great to see this additional day and week devoted to promoting mental health, education, support, and advocacy.  Even though I have been interested in mental health for several years now, I don’t think I was aware of this day or week until this year, which seems amazing.  But, that goes to show how much work we need to do to spread the message about mental health.  And, spreading the message is not a “one and done” task.  Promoting mental health is a continuous journey with a lot of reminders along the way.  Like many things in life, we have to tell people again and again why mental health is so important.  I applaud having this day and week as yet more reminders of the work we need to do to educate, advocate, and support mental health for all.

My guess is that the title of this blog post got your attention, but maybe not in a good way.  If you are like me, you assume that when you hear the word intimacy it has to do with sex.  Depending on how you feel about sex or how you feel about talking about it, it may be an unsettling thing to read.  However, I want to try to expand our definition of intimacy and how it can apply to us in our close relationships.

Until I read the book “Stretched Too Thin” by Jessica N. Turner, I only thought of intimacy in very narrow terms.  But, did you know there are many types of intimacy?  Jessica’s book described several of them, which I will list here: sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, aesthetic intimacy, creative intimacy, recreational intimacy, work intimacy, crisis intimacy, conflict intimacy, commitment intimacy, spiritual intimacy, communication intimacy, and moral intimacy.  I will leave you to her book for descriptions of these types of intimacy, and my guess is there are more out there too.  Regardless, I think it is great to expand our ideas of what intimacy means.  In hindsight, it almost seems obvious.  No matter what you do or what happens in life, you can find ways to connect with a partner.

If you are struggling with depression and have a significant other, or if you have a significant other with depression, what does this expanded definition of intimacy reveal to you?  Does to help to know that there might still be some ways you can stay connected despite the depression?  Does this give you hope?  Or, does it change anything?  If it does change anything, what is that?  Overall, this list may give you ways to reframe your experiences as you go through a depression.

Although I don’t find it a particularly fun process, goal setting is done in a lot of places by a lot of people.  I am guessing many of you have heard of SMART goals, where each letter of the acronym stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound.  Old news, right?  Luckily, I stumbled upon a different type of goals, and I want to share this information with you today.

Have you ever heard of SMARTER goals?  This system was developed by an individual named Michael Hyatt.  Here is what each letter stands for:

Specific

Measurable

Actionable

Risky

Time-keyed

Exciting

Relevant

This system already sounds more fun, right?  Not only does this framework get to the important pieces that you can’t get away from – honestly, goals do have to be specific, measurable, and time bound, but I really like what gets changed or added.  Goals should be actionable – meaning a goal should get you to do something.  Risky means taking a chance to see how it will go.  My assumption is this has to do with taking good risks, not questionable ones that may be harmful to you or others.  Goals should also be exciting, and this is the key piece I like.  If they are not exciting, it makes goals harder to work on or even develop.  Then, goals should reflect your values and apply to what you want in life.

When thinking about goals related to recovery from depression or caregiving goals, I think this is a great system to consider.  The exciting part may be challenging, but it is worth trying to consider.  However, the relevant part can be very helpful in determining what is most important to recovery and caring for yourself and others.  Overall, I hope this system gives everyone a larger framework for understanding and developing goals.

In a post from a long time ago I wrote about the news and my thoughts on it.  Today, I want to revisit that topic again and talk about its effects on depression and mental health.

To recap my previous post, I am not a big fan of the news.  It tends to be incredibly negative, and while it may help me keep up on world events, most of the time I try to get the essentials and leave the rest.  Sometimes that makes me ignorant to some important things that are happening in the world, but I would rather risk that than feel angry and sad all of the time because of what I see or hear in relation to the news.

Related to depression and mental health, I think the news has a negative effect too.  In fact, looking in retrospect, my dad used to watch the news most of the time he had the TV on, and I can’t help but wonder how that might have led to his depression.  While I am not outright blaming the news for his illness, I suspect it was yet another factor that led to it.

If you are depressed or someone touched by a depression, the news is not a friend.  While there are some good reasons to know what is happening in the world sometimes, I would say it is best to avoid as much of the news as possible.  And, there are sources of positive news out there, and I applaud the effort to have it, but it pales in comparison to the negativity we currently see.  One of my dreams is to see a world where the news talks about positive stories at least as much as they talk about negative ones.  It would be even better if the positive stories outweighed the negative ones.  In the meantime, I stay away from the negativity as much as I can.