Month: August 2017

You Are What You Project

There are many things in life that I simply cannot retain – things that always seem to hit me as a new concept, but when I think about it I know that I have heard it before.  One of those concepts hit me again today.  That concept is that people are what they project.  Let me explain with an example.

Have you ever had a boss that is very critical of you and what you do?  When you really stop to think about it, what is driving their behavior?  Is it really you, or is it something about them and their history that drives them to behave in this way?  The theory is that it really isn’t about you – it is about them.  The reason they are being overly critical of you is because they are insecure about themselves.  Taking this further with another example – a boss that doesn’t seem to trust you.  Is it really about trusting you or is it because they can’t trust themselves?  When you start thinking about situations in this way, it can definitely make you feel better about how people treat you.

However, there is another side to it.  How do you treat other people?  Are you critical or negative?  Are you friendly or optimistic?  When you look deeper at your behavior towards others, what is your behavior saying about you?  This is the part that can be harder to deal with.

I truly believe that you are what you project.  But for some reason this gets me every time I think about it.  Not a new concept, but it seems like a fresh thought every time it comes around.  Maybe this is not news to you and/or maybe it will stick with you better than it does with me.  However, next time you are questioning your behavior or the behavior of someone else, hopefully you will remember to think about this idea.

Aromatherapy

Have you heard the term “aromatherapy”?  If you haven’t, basically it is like the word would suggest – it is therapy based on smells.  Typically the idea is that they are smells that are relatively pleasant, and they can help to soothe, calm, stimulate, etc.  Lavender, vanilla, and citrus scents are some examples.  A lot of times aromatherapy gets placed together with essential oils, since these can be used for aromatherapy.  To me, essential oils is a somewhat different world.  Depending on what is being done, people will ingest, vaporize/nebulize, or topically apply essential oils.  There may be some overlap with aromatherapy, and it may all be in how you define it, but for me aromatherapy is all about the smelling.

Aromatherapy can be more than using essential oils – there are candles and potpourri, plus there are smells around you that can be soothing.  For me, I love the smell of the ground after it has just started raining.  I also love the smell of Worcestershire sauce.  For many, certain foods have a smell that comforts and/or excites people.  How about you?  What smells do you already notice in your world that elicit a response from you?

I think aromatherapy is an interesting way to help people, especially in regards to emotions or mood.  What a wonderful thought that by smelling something you can feel better or less tense.  To me, that sounds better than taking a pill, if you can avoid it (of course, sometimes medications are necessary).  As far as I know, there are relatively few side effects from aromatherapy, so I encourage you to think about how it might improve your life.  What smells do you like?  Are there some that are soothing to you?  Some that inspire you?  Some that motivate you?  Have fun thinking about how smells can enhance or compliment your day.

Grandparents

On the day that I am writing this entry, it has been exactly 25 years since my Grandma Scott passed away.  Even though I won’t go into the details of how it unfolded from my point of view, I still remember it pretty vividly.  And, although I had lost a grandfather when I was in kindergarten, I didn’t totally understand what it all meant at that age.  I was sad, but I didn’t truly get it.  When my grandma passed away 25 years ago, I got it.  It was really the first major death that I had to process, and of course, it wouldn’t be the last.

I was very close to both of my grandmothers, so losing one was very hard.  I would lose the second grandmother a little over two years later.  Both of them had experienced prolonged illnesses before their passing, so I remember spending time in the hospital and/or long term care with them before they died.  It was some pretty tough stuff for a young girl.  I have spent a lot of my life wondering what they would have thought about my life in high school, college, my working life, getting married, and now having a child.  I feel like they would have been pretty proud, but they would have loved me no matter what I did.  Even to this day I still miss all of my grandparents very much (I also had a grandfather that passed away long before I was even born).

I share some of my background here because I felt that I got to spend a lot of time with my grandparents before they passed away.  After they all died, I have been pretty jealous of those people who still have grandparents.  I also get pretty mad at those who seem to take theirs for granted.  Of course, there may be legitimate reasons why people don’t get along with their grandparents, but assuming that is not the case I encourage you to spend as much time with them as possible.  Don’t take these individuals for granted, and enjoy the time you can spend with them.

Creativity

I seem to be a woman who is interested in a wide variety of topics.  Some areas I know very well, but there are many where I know just a high level overview of the topic.  Sometimes I wonder if I should narrow down my focus and pick a few areas to pursue, but that doesn’t appeal to me.  As long as I don’t feel overwhelmed, why not explore what I can?

My latest interest has been looking at creativity.  I just finished a book on it, and I am currently listening to a college level course on the topic as well.  What I am learning about creativity is fascinating.  A lot of us out there, especially from the scientific and mathematical worlds, would say that we are not creative people.  I know I have touched on this in previous posts, but everyone is creative, and it isn’t totally something you are born with.  Creativity is a skill that can be developed, and that is exciting news for all of us.

The material has also discussed characteristics of creative people and ways to enhance your creativity.  You might be surprised at what it takes to be creative.  And, of course, there is no one right way to do it.  There are many combinations of characteristics and skills that can help you become a more creative individual.

Since there are many ways to be creative, I am not going to make any lists here.  However, some questions remain – in what ways are you creative?  If you don’t feel like you are a creative person, how might you develop this skill?  I hope that no matter what you do in life, you can embrace that idea that you are a creative being.  I also encourage you to examine what you currently do and see where you are already creating something.

Parenting and Patience

For any of you that know me well, you know that patience is not one of my defining characteristics.  It has always been something I have struggled with, and I definitely acknowledge it as a weakness.  Over the last weekend I started to observe how that plays into my parenting, and boy, do I have some work to do.

My son is now at an age where he is getting into everything – which is totally normal.  He is exploring the world around him.  However, there are quite a few of those things that can be dangerous for him to explore, and one of my top jobs as a parent is to keep him safe.  Lately, I find myself saying “no” a lot, and sometimes I notice myself getting annoyed when I have to say “no” about every five seconds.  Surely there is something better than saying “no” all the time, and I really don’t like how I get frustrated.  I know, I am human, but I wish I had more patience with this.  It wasn’t the first time, and I know it won’t be the last.  And, I can’t hinder his exploration and learning with my lack of patience.

So, how to be more patient with my parenting (and in life, for that matter)?  That sometimes feels like my holy grail.  I think meditation and mindfulness can help.  And, while I think it is good for my son to wander and explore everything (with supervision) at this age, I am also thinking about creating more “safe spaces” (such as his crib), where I currently feel good that he will be safe if he stays in that area.  We have some gates up around the house, but maybe we need a few more.  This does not take away my responsibility to supervise him, but it might be a way to keep me from saying “no” over and over again.

Regardless of what happens, this is just one way that parenting is challenging me to be a better person.  It’s not always easy, but I am grateful for the opportunities to improve myself as a mother and as an individual.

Blood

While I do currently serve on a board and also participate in other “one-off” volunteer activities, there is something that I do every few months that takes up relatively little time and energy.  And, although I didn’t do it during pregnancy and breastfeeding, I am glad that I have started giving blood again.

I started donating blood 3 or 4 years ago, and it was a major step for me.  I used to be incredibly afraid of needles, and donating blood probably requires one of the biggest ones you will encounter.  But, I knew that if I was eligible I should do it.  I knew my donation could literally save a life.

I do a regular donation of blood every 8 weeks (you can’t do it more frequently than that).  Some people will do a “double donation”, so they can only donate every 16 weeks.  There are certain rules and restrictions to donate, and there have been times I was not able to (pregnancy, hemoglobin too low).  And, while breastfeeding did not prevent me from donating, after talking with my doctor I decided it might create issues with supply, so I did not chance it.  Overall, there may reasons that you may not be able to donate, and that is ok – I think it is at least worth checking into if you can.

For me, donating takes maybe an hour.  The discomfort is also fairly minimal, and the staff has always been great at giving me ice packs or reclining me to help me feel ok during the donation.  Then, at the end of your donation, there are free snacks and beverages!  Of course, you need to take good care of yourself before and after you donate, and drinking lots of water before and after is one of those items.  I try to drink a lot of water before I go in, and that seems to help a lot.

Whether you have donated before or not, I encourage you to check into it and/or continue to donate if and when you can.  Donating blood is a great way to give, and I love being able to help others in this way.

Mid-Year Check-In

A lot of companies require that employees complete yearly goals.  As a part of that, they also usually require a “mid-year check-in” to look at progress and make sure the employee is on track to meet the goals that have been established.  While I hadn’t formally completed goals for this year (I kind of like the idea of SMART goals, but I hate creating them), I did create a list of things I would like to do as well as have a theme for the year.  Since we are now halfway through the year I thought I would reflect on my progress so far.

Looking first at the tough side – 2017 has been a brutal year so far.  The loss of my mother-in-law tops the list obviously, but I have also had some really tough situations related to work.  On top of that, we have had a lot of issues related to our house, and with that has come some financial pressure.  We are very fortunate that we will be able to rise above most of this and be fine, but there is at least one loss here that you don’t just “get over” in my opinion.

Despite these challenges and losses, when looking at my list, I am happy to say that I have been able to check a few things off of it already.  There are also many that are in progress that should be completed by the end of the year.  Of course, some of these are subjective, but I am feeling a good sense of accomplishment here.  Also, if you may recall, my theme for the year is “creation”.  So far, I am trying to remember that as I go through my days, and I feel like my understanding and appreciation for all that we create has increased.  However, as I reflect on my theme, I realize how I want to create so much more – more time with friends and family, more ways to help people, more writing, more teaching – the creation is never ending.  So, I have a lot of work to do in the 2nd half of 2017, and I hope to continue to share my journey with you.

Mystery

Since I seem to be on a roll of random topics lately, I thought I would discuss one of my current distractions.  My family is a member of Amazon Prime, and with that comes some different benefits, one of which is the ability to watch some TV shows and movies without an additional cost.  I don’t know how big this library is, but since it is Amazon my guess is that it is pretty large.  I also don’t spend a lot of time watching TV and movies these days, but right now I am stuck on one TV show on Amazon Prime.  That show is Unsolved Mysteries.

For those who might not know or who weren’t around for it, Unsolved Mysteries is a TV show where they reenact crimes, unexplained events, ghosts, lost loves – pretty much any mystery that is – yes – unsolved.  I have been playing the show in the background a lot lately while doing other things, and it has brought back a lot of memories for me.  I would watch this show a lot in the late 80s and early 90s as a kid, and for some reason it stuck with me.  I don’t like any bit of scary movies or shows, yet I can sit and watch this.  What’s funny to me is that there are people who think watching Unsolved Mysteries is scarier than any scary movie or TV show.  Maybe it is because the stories are supposed to be real?  I don’t know the answer, but regardless of what others feel about it I enjoy it.  I certainly don’t want to become a part of an unsolved mystery, and I think one of best parts of the show is when mysteries do get solved or are explained.  Unfortunately, they are not always happy endings, but finding a resolution can be helpful.

Perhaps, for me, it will always be an “unsolved mystery” as to why I like the show so much.

Batman

When I sometimes stop to think about it, the world is so full of contradictions and hypocrisy.  And, just because I notice it, it does not mean I am above it.  I wanted to share a recent contradiction I have thought about in my life.  It probably isn’t all that serious, and, you might share the same thoughts, but I thought it might be amusing to discuss.

My contradiction today is about bats.  In real life, I am not really a big fan.  I understand they have important roles in the biology of our ecosystem, and that is great, but I don’t need to hang around any.  I had a close encounter with one a few years ago at our house, and that was downright terrifying to me.  We fixed the opening in our attic that caused that close encounter, so all has been well.  However, there is another part of the attic that was recently discovered to have an opening and also evidence of a bat being there.  Again, we are actually planning to have that fixed today, and I haven’t dealt with any bats recently, but still it freaks me out a little that I might see one again.  Yuck.  Bats, you go do your thing away from me and I’ll do mine.

However, I started thinking about it, and then it hit me.  I love the super hero Batman.  All of the Christian Bale Batman movies are so good, and Batman 1989 is my absolute favorite.  I don’t mind seeing the bats in a movie, so why are they so scary in real life?  Honestly, I think the big reason is that real bats can carry rabies and disease, and no one wants that.  For some reason, though, I think it is interesting that I love made up bats but not real ones.  But, I know I am like that for many things – a bag of contradictions.