As I write this entry, I am about to make a decision that will change the life of me and my family. You could argue that it really won’t be that big of a change, but this time around has had me more scared and afraid than ever. Why?
The big reason for me now is that I have a family to think about, and for much of my life that has not been the case. Decisions that I made only affected me, and I had a lot more confidence in that. Now, the decisions I make affect 3 people, and potentially more in the future. What if this change is a mistake? What if this new change is worse than what we have now? What if this change doesn’t work out and I don’t have back up plan? It is one thing to bring myself down, but it is another to bring down others with me.
Again, this is likely small potatoes for me, but it has me thinking about depression and how this might be a constant feeling. If someone is depressed, are they thinking about how they might be bringing down others? Are they worried about someone around them “catching” what they have? I sincerely hope not, but I imagine it is possible.
Of course, all I have done so far is look at the downside of things. If I stopped a little to really think about the change, there is the potential for great opportunity and growth and good things. You may not think about it in relation to depression, but somehow there may be a way to find some opportunities and good things that await you after a struggle with it. I could be totally off base here, but at least I know in my change that there are some potential benefits that make the uncertainty a little bit easier for me.