While I may have hinted at my experiences with mental health, I am not sure if I have shared much of my story. I would like to do that today. I plan to keep it concise, but understand that I could spend a lot of time talking about all of the details.
To get it out there right away – I have lost 3 family members to suicide. The first was my older cousin Craig, who died in March of 2011. His son Aaron, also my cousin, died in March of 2014. These losses were painful, but the one that hit me the hardest was my dad, Dan, who died on July 27, 2012. It was my mom’s 58th birthday.
There is so much to say about each one of these men. I will focus on my dad, though, because he is the one I knew the best. No matter when it happens, suicide is a shock to the system. My dad had fought several rounds of depression before this, and we knew it could happen, but we never truly believed it would.
My dad had his first round of depression the summer of 2000, which was between high school and college for me. He was able to get better and go back to work and life. His second round was early 2011 after a bladder surgery – again, he got better, but unfortunately this time he had no job to go back to. He seemed ok with it, but he didn’t have much free time until he was depressed again in the spring of 2012. July of 2012 was awful for us – he had a small stroke at the beginning of the month, and things just got worse from there.
In hindsight, I think he died because of a recent change of medications. When you are very depressed you can have suicidal thoughts, but you might not be able to act on them. When you start to take a medication and it works, you can still have the suicidal thoughts and then also have the momentum to carry them through. As a pharmacist, I knew this was a possibility, and you will find warnings on drugs that discuss this. I felt major guilt after he died because I didn’t use my education to see this coming. Of course, that is silly to think I was responsible, but that is just one of the many things I have dealt with.
Based on this brief background, I feel that I know what it is like to live around mental illness. There are so many challenges and issues and things you never wanted to think about. It is a tough road, but it can get better. There is always hope. And, even though the 3 men here are gone, they are remembered and honored for being a part of our lives.
I share all of this not for your sympathy, but to convey that it can indeed happen to you or someone you care about. My guess is that most people know someone with some type of mental illness. Sadly, mental illness is everywhere, but the more we talk about it the more things will hopefully change for the better. I hope that this is the beginning of sharing some great insights about mental illness and helping the caregivers of those with mental illness. I look forward to our journey together.