Author: Dawn_2ol6

The other day I was at a book store, and I was looking at some books in the “for dummies” series.  You have probably heard of them.  Some examples include “Marketing for Dummies” or “Gardening for Dummies”.  There is also a similar series called the “complete idiot’s guide”.  Both series cover a wide variety of topics with the aim of helping people to understand that particular subject.  As I was looking at these books, I started to wonder…do they have books in these series about depression?

Turns out that they do.  Now, I am not sure why I find this so interesting, but maybe it was because I found myself conflicted by these publications’ existence.  On the plus side, I love that they included depression as a topic just like any other.  I think that shows an openness that you don’t always see around mental illness.  I also think that anyone involved in these books about depression have the highest and purest aims to publish information that they think would be helpful to their readers.

On the down side, I am not so sure depression is a topic that can be seriously discussed in these types of books.  To begin with the titles, you are already being called a dummy or an idiot, and if you are depressed that may not come off as funny.  Then, although I honestly cannot say for sure, the content in the books might try to neatly package a mental illness that isn’t well suited for a pretty bow on top.  Again, that is speculation on my part, but something to consider.

Overall, while it struck me as odd at first, I am open to different ideas and ways to get information about depression out there.  If people can benefit from the information, that is really all that matters.

I am having one of those days where I am looking for some clarity.  I have all kinds of different thoughts going on in my head, but I can’t seem to rope them in.  I am wishing for some common ground so I can put them all together and have a nice, neat picture of how they are all related and thus make up my singular present world view.  But, does that ever happen?  I highly doubt it.  As humans, we are pretty complex.  We have a lot of different thoughts about a lot of different things.  We also say and do a complex amount of things too.  We are not simple, we are messy.

Given that messy is the human baseline, imagine adding an illness like depression to the mix.  Talk about complexity.  In previous posts, I have talked about some the factors that may lead to depression, and there is a large number of variables that may contribute.  Plus, I assume the experience of depression is different for each person, and that a depression also incorporates pieces of the person who is going through it.  No wonder that depression can be so hard to treat – depression by default includes a lot of complexity.

Thinking about the complexity of depression also helps us to realize that usually just one thing is not going to take care of it.  A lot of time a pill doesn’t do it, nor therapy sessions.  Typically, there is usually a combination of several treatments that can help, and sometimes even then that is not enough.  The overall takeaway here is that assuming something simple will take care of something complex is unrealistic in many cases of depression, and mental health overall.  A complex problem deserves deep, thought provoking discussions about a variety of treatments, options, and solutions.

I am writing this entry before 7 in the morning.  I am not much of a morning person, but I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.  I have already experienced one disappointing email, plus I weighed myself this morning and the numbers went way up instead of down.  Considering that I thought I had exercised a lot in the last week, I am wondering why that happened.  Needless to say, I am already a little bummed about my day.

Here’s the good news for me.  I will more than likely rebound from my disappointments of this early morning.  I will figure out what needs to be learned and/or changed, and I will move on.  While I’m bummed about it all now, I have confidence that it will pass.  However, there is always the chance that the disappointments will keep rolling in, and it will get harder to let them pass.  If my mood doesn’t improve in a few weeks, then I need to start thinking about something more serious, like depression.

I mentioned in a post not too long ago that I really have no idea what the experience of depression is like.  No doubt it is different for different people, but I currently couldn’t tell you about it first hand.  But, I imagine that for some, the scenario plays out in a way that I described above.  Maybe you have a little disappointment.  And then another.  And then another.  Those little disappointments start adding up, and you are struggling to deal with them all.  Before you know it, it could become overwhelming.  That is one of the scary things about depression in my mind – that it can seem to come out of nowhere.

While there are no surefire ways to prevent depression, I can tell you that for me I will be sharing my disappointments with others and possibly asking for their feedback and suggestions.  That is helpful for me, and that may keep me from dwelling on it longer than needed.

How about you?  When you face disappointments, how do you deal with them?  Do you talk to a family member or friend?  Do you find a way to process it on your own?  While disappointments are inevitable, there are ways to help keep them from bringing you down for longer periods of time.

Maybe it’s the books I’ve read or listened to lately, but it seems like I have been hearing about perfectionism a lot.  As most of us know, perfectionism is not healthy.  It can lead to burnout and stress, and that can be just the tip of the iceberg.  We all know perfectionism is bad, but yet a lot of us struggle with it anyway.  Another thing about perfectionism is that is can be applied to any part of life, and that includes caregiving.

If you have or do care for someone with depression, do you try to be the “perfect caregiver”?  Do you try to spend all of your time with the person so they might feel less alone?  Do you take them to every appointment or therapy session?  Do you give them any medicine they may take?  Do you try to create an environment that takes away any potential people, places, or things that might make them feel worse?  Do you wonder why they are suffering instead of you?  Do you worry about that person constantly, thinking that if they aren’t happy, you shouldn’t be either?

Those are just some examples, and your idea of being the “perfect caregiver” may look very different.  But, my concern here is that as a caregiver, we might try to be everything to a depressed person, and that is not an ideal situation.

I truly believe that thoughtful caregivers do the best they can with the resources they have.  After all, caregivers are human too, and there really is no perfectionism around where humans are.

So, if you are a caregiver, don’t worry about doing it all.  Do the best you can with what you have, and be sure to take care of yourself too.  We don’t need perfection, we need you as you are.

As I write this entry, we have just gotten back from a 10 day vacation.  While not the longest vacation I have been on, this has certainly been one of the longer ones.  And, even though we were physically gone for 10 days, I was off of work for 16 days.  I am just getting back into work and our regular routines, and it has been challenging.  Who knew a little over two weeks out of my daily life would throw me off so much?

However, as I started thinking about it, I am sure my experience here pales in comparison to those with depression.  Only two weeks away probably seems like a dream compared to the disruption that depression brings.  Depression can last for months, years, a lifetime – and there are times when getting back to a “regular routine” seems impossible.  I have no right to compare my experience to depression, but my point is that I have recently had a taste of what it feels like to have my regular routines thrown off, and it can be unsettling, even if it was for a planned and/or joyous reason.

Just thinking about this comparison makes me realize how little I know about depression.  I can talk about the research, the numbers, and the stories I’ve heard, but unless I have had depression I can not honestly talk about what that experience is like.  Not that I want to have depression (who does?), but I hope my insights are helpful and not condescending.  I want to be empathetic, but I also understand I come at it as a bystander.

How do you feel about having your regular routines interrupted?  Do you enjoy it at first?  Is there a point where it becomes unsettling?  Does thinking about routines help describe how depression can cause disruptions in life, relationships, work, etc.?

As I write this entry, my family is getting ready to go on a big vacation.  In fact, my husband and I are taking a full two weeks off of work.  One of the days is technically already a paid holiday, but still, we are looking forward to a nice stretch of time away from our work.  Some of that time will also be a nice stretch of time away from our home and responsibilities of daily life.  In addition, I am taking the time to not write any entries for my blog, which is a break that I honestly find exciting.

I know I have written about this before, but it is important to take breaks from time to time.  They don’t have to be something big like we have coming up, but they can be anything from a weekend getaway to deciding you are not going to take care of a certain task for a week (of course, this task would be something that wouldn’t hurt you or someone else if you didn’t do it for a week).  Although in the United States we all seem to pride ourselves on how busy we are (I am no different), we forget that resting is just as important as doing.  Instead of doing all of the time, we also need to just be.

Of course, when you throw depression into the mix, taking breaks or time away can be a lot harder.  If you are depressed, taking a break may not make any sense to you.  If you are caregiver, it sounds like a nice idea, but you may be hard pressed to figure out how to make that happen.  These are all understandable thoughts.  But, I encourage everyone, depression or not, caregiver or not, to think about ways that they can take a break from their current situation.  Maybe it is getting outside.  Maybe it is getting in a car and being driven around.  Maybe it is shopping somewhere different or changing up a routine.  There are many possible ways to take a break, and I hope you find that it may be a simple yet effective way to help take care of yourself.

Last weekend my family and I participated in a 5K walk/jog/run for suicide prevention.  This event has been held for several years, and as part of the event they do a suicide remembrance ceremony the night before the 5K.  While we have not been able to make it every year since my dad died, we try to go when we can.

Although not the same type of event, the 5K was similar to the Out of the Darkness Walks held by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, or AFSP.  I might have mentioned them before, however I don’t talk about them as much as I do NAMI.  You can visit AFSP’s website here: https://afsp.org/  Honestly, I do not know a lot about them, but I know they do walks like the one I already mentioned.  And, since an unfortunate outcome of depression can be suicide, I understand and support the work that AFSP does.

Unlike some of the walks, I mentioned that the one I just went to had a remembrance ceremony, and that has been powerful for me.  To see and hear the names and faces of other suicide victims is heartbreaking, but sharing that grief with others is impactful.  For people who are touched by depression and suicide, you are not alone, and hopefully a lot of us can find some comfort in that.

Doing events like these can be a powerful way to show your support and help eliminate the stigma of suicide.  5Ks are social events and naturally involve people talking about suicide and how to create solutions to this terrible outcome.  It is one of many ways for anyone to get involved in the hope to end all suicides.

So, are you up for a walk?  Or a jog?  Or a run?  If so, consider looking into events such as the Out of the Darkness Walks, where you can get some exercise and support a good cause.

As you may suspect, sometimes being an advocate for something means you might get involved in a heated discussion or controversy.  While I don’t want to get into the specifics on here, it is sufficient to note that it is starting to happen in my corner of the world in a particular situation.  The details don’t matter.  What matters here is how we perceive ourselves and our world, and that is what I want to touch on today.

Now, I write this knowing full well that I am just as guilty of these things, but I want to call them out as a reminder to everyone.  I think we all know better, but we also need to work on doing better.  This has come up several times over the last few weeks, and it is so important for all of us to know.  When it comes to mental illness, we are all in this together.  No one is immune from being touched by mental illness.  It may not affect you today, but it could at any time.  People with mental illness are not a fringe or “out” group.  They are all of us.  In fact, I suspect we all know a lot of people that may have mental illness and we don’t even know it.

We have to start treating mental illness as a part of all of our lives.  We can’t say we want to help people but then fight to make sure they are taken care of somewhere away from where we live.  Mentally ill people are a part of us, and they should be able to live and recover around all of us too.  We are all human – it doesn’t matter what disorder or disease or symptoms you have – you are with us, and it affects all of us.  We can’t hide it away like it is something separate from our society.

My hope is that we agree we are all in this together.

Since my last entry I was at a board retreat.  There was a lot of discussion and learning that took place, but there are several key items that really stood out for me during that day.  Today, I would like to talk about one of them.

As we all know, there is stigma associated with depression and mental illness.  What is one way to help eliminate stigma?  Talk about it, of course.  But what I heard the other day was a great reminder of a powerful way to talk about mental illness, and I think it is worth repeating here.

Basically, the key is that talking about what is going wrong and what needs to be changed surrounding depression and mental illness is not enough.  If we are going to talk about the problems, we also need to talk about the solutions.  We realize we have issues, but what are we going to do about it?  What are some suggestions or ideas?  How can we make it better?

Another piece of this is to talk about depression and mental illness as something that can lead to positive outcomes.  We know that people with mental illness can live in recovery and lead lives full of quality and meaning, but I think a lot of people don’t realize this.  People need to understand that the solutions we propose can lead to hope and recovery, and that there are positives that can come from the negatives.

These are key concepts to remember when speaking about mental illness.  This is even more important when we think that some of us are speaking for those who are unable to.  We need to name the problems, propose solutions, and spread a message of hope.  Of course this is all easier said than done, but it can go a long way in getting our voices heard.