Category: General

Maybe it’s the books I’ve read or listened to lately, but it seems like I have been hearing about perfectionism a lot.  As most of us know, perfectionism is not healthy.  It can lead to burnout and stress, and that can be just the tip of the iceberg.  We all know perfectionism is bad, but yet a lot of us struggle with it anyway.  Another thing about perfectionism is that is can be applied to any part of life, and that includes caregiving.

If you have or do care for someone with depression, do you try to be the “perfect caregiver”?  Do you try to spend all of your time with the person so they might feel less alone?  Do you take them to every appointment or therapy session?  Do you give them any medicine they may take?  Do you try to create an environment that takes away any potential people, places, or things that might make them feel worse?  Do you wonder why they are suffering instead of you?  Do you worry about that person constantly, thinking that if they aren’t happy, you shouldn’t be either?

Those are just some examples, and your idea of being the “perfect caregiver” may look very different.  But, my concern here is that as a caregiver, we might try to be everything to a depressed person, and that is not an ideal situation.

I truly believe that thoughtful caregivers do the best they can with the resources they have.  After all, caregivers are human too, and there really is no perfectionism around where humans are.

So, if you are a caregiver, don’t worry about doing it all.  Do the best you can with what you have, and be sure to take care of yourself too.  We don’t need perfection, we need you as you are.

As I write this entry, we have just gotten back from a 10 day vacation.  While not the longest vacation I have been on, this has certainly been one of the longer ones.  And, even though we were physically gone for 10 days, I was off of work for 16 days.  I am just getting back into work and our regular routines, and it has been challenging.  Who knew a little over two weeks out of my daily life would throw me off so much?

However, as I started thinking about it, I am sure my experience here pales in comparison to those with depression.  Only two weeks away probably seems like a dream compared to the disruption that depression brings.  Depression can last for months, years, a lifetime – and there are times when getting back to a “regular routine” seems impossible.  I have no right to compare my experience to depression, but my point is that I have recently had a taste of what it feels like to have my regular routines thrown off, and it can be unsettling, even if it was for a planned and/or joyous reason.

Just thinking about this comparison makes me realize how little I know about depression.  I can talk about the research, the numbers, and the stories I’ve heard, but unless I have had depression I can not honestly talk about what that experience is like.  Not that I want to have depression (who does?), but I hope my insights are helpful and not condescending.  I want to be empathetic, but I also understand I come at it as a bystander.

How do you feel about having your regular routines interrupted?  Do you enjoy it at first?  Is there a point where it becomes unsettling?  Does thinking about routines help describe how depression can cause disruptions in life, relationships, work, etc.?

As I write this entry, my family is getting ready to go on a big vacation.  In fact, my husband and I are taking a full two weeks off of work.  One of the days is technically already a paid holiday, but still, we are looking forward to a nice stretch of time away from our work.  Some of that time will also be a nice stretch of time away from our home and responsibilities of daily life.  In addition, I am taking the time to not write any entries for my blog, which is a break that I honestly find exciting.

I know I have written about this before, but it is important to take breaks from time to time.  They don’t have to be something big like we have coming up, but they can be anything from a weekend getaway to deciding you are not going to take care of a certain task for a week (of course, this task would be something that wouldn’t hurt you or someone else if you didn’t do it for a week).  Although in the United States we all seem to pride ourselves on how busy we are (I am no different), we forget that resting is just as important as doing.  Instead of doing all of the time, we also need to just be.

Of course, when you throw depression into the mix, taking breaks or time away can be a lot harder.  If you are depressed, taking a break may not make any sense to you.  If you are caregiver, it sounds like a nice idea, but you may be hard pressed to figure out how to make that happen.  These are all understandable thoughts.  But, I encourage everyone, depression or not, caregiver or not, to think about ways that they can take a break from their current situation.  Maybe it is getting outside.  Maybe it is getting in a car and being driven around.  Maybe it is shopping somewhere different or changing up a routine.  There are many possible ways to take a break, and I hope you find that it may be a simple yet effective way to help take care of yourself.

Last weekend my family and I participated in a 5K walk/jog/run for suicide prevention.  This event has been held for several years, and as part of the event they do a suicide remembrance ceremony the night before the 5K.  While we have not been able to make it every year since my dad died, we try to go when we can.

Although not the same type of event, the 5K was similar to the Out of the Darkness Walks held by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, or AFSP.  I might have mentioned them before, however I don’t talk about them as much as I do NAMI.  You can visit AFSP’s website here: https://afsp.org/  Honestly, I do not know a lot about them, but I know they do walks like the one I already mentioned.  And, since an unfortunate outcome of depression can be suicide, I understand and support the work that AFSP does.

Unlike some of the walks, I mentioned that the one I just went to had a remembrance ceremony, and that has been powerful for me.  To see and hear the names and faces of other suicide victims is heartbreaking, but sharing that grief with others is impactful.  For people who are touched by depression and suicide, you are not alone, and hopefully a lot of us can find some comfort in that.

Doing events like these can be a powerful way to show your support and help eliminate the stigma of suicide.  5Ks are social events and naturally involve people talking about suicide and how to create solutions to this terrible outcome.  It is one of many ways for anyone to get involved in the hope to end all suicides.

So, are you up for a walk?  Or a jog?  Or a run?  If so, consider looking into events such as the Out of the Darkness Walks, where you can get some exercise and support a good cause.

As you may suspect, sometimes being an advocate for something means you might get involved in a heated discussion or controversy.  While I don’t want to get into the specifics on here, it is sufficient to note that it is starting to happen in my corner of the world in a particular situation.  The details don’t matter.  What matters here is how we perceive ourselves and our world, and that is what I want to touch on today.

Now, I write this knowing full well that I am just as guilty of these things, but I want to call them out as a reminder to everyone.  I think we all know better, but we also need to work on doing better.  This has come up several times over the last few weeks, and it is so important for all of us to know.  When it comes to mental illness, we are all in this together.  No one is immune from being touched by mental illness.  It may not affect you today, but it could at any time.  People with mental illness are not a fringe or “out” group.  They are all of us.  In fact, I suspect we all know a lot of people that may have mental illness and we don’t even know it.

We have to start treating mental illness as a part of all of our lives.  We can’t say we want to help people but then fight to make sure they are taken care of somewhere away from where we live.  Mentally ill people are a part of us, and they should be able to live and recover around all of us too.  We are all human – it doesn’t matter what disorder or disease or symptoms you have – you are with us, and it affects all of us.  We can’t hide it away like it is something separate from our society.

My hope is that we agree we are all in this together.

Since my last entry I was at a board retreat.  There was a lot of discussion and learning that took place, but there are several key items that really stood out for me during that day.  Today, I would like to talk about one of them.

As we all know, there is stigma associated with depression and mental illness.  What is one way to help eliminate stigma?  Talk about it, of course.  But what I heard the other day was a great reminder of a powerful way to talk about mental illness, and I think it is worth repeating here.

Basically, the key is that talking about what is going wrong and what needs to be changed surrounding depression and mental illness is not enough.  If we are going to talk about the problems, we also need to talk about the solutions.  We realize we have issues, but what are we going to do about it?  What are some suggestions or ideas?  How can we make it better?

Another piece of this is to talk about depression and mental illness as something that can lead to positive outcomes.  We know that people with mental illness can live in recovery and lead lives full of quality and meaning, but I think a lot of people don’t realize this.  People need to understand that the solutions we propose can lead to hope and recovery, and that there are positives that can come from the negatives.

These are key concepts to remember when speaking about mental illness.  This is even more important when we think that some of us are speaking for those who are unable to.  We need to name the problems, propose solutions, and spread a message of hope.  Of course this is all easier said than done, but it can go a long way in getting our voices heard.

In my last entry, I mentioned a book I had just finished that talked about using psychedelics for depression.  While there were many great ideas and theories brought out in the book, I want to touch on one in particular: the idea of a unified theory of mental illness.

In a nutshell, a unified theory of mental illness basically states that all mental illness is connected.  Each diagnosis does not stand alone, but is rather part of a spectrum or continuum of illness.  Of course, there are likely several ideas out there to help explain why people think all mental illness is connected, but the overall idea is worth pondering.  Are all mental illnesses truly connected?

If I look back on my dad’s experience, this idea makes a lot of sense to me.  As I have noted before, my dad had a clinical diagnosis of depression.  However, I know for sure there was a lot of anxiety that came with the depression.  Also, my dad described times where he heard voices and would share what they were saying, so it seems that there may have been some psychosis and/or schizophrenic symptoms occurring.  Looking back on it, I think I have subconsciously known for a long time that all of this was connected.

What do you think about a unified theory of mental illness?  Do you think it is all connected?  If this is a new concept for you, how does it make you feel?  Does it help to possibly explain what you might be experiencing?  For me, I am looking forward to seeing what else comes from this theory.  Will it help to finally explain the causes of mental illness with more certainty?  Will it help lead to better and more effective treatment options?  I am very excited to see where an idea like this will go.

Today, I want to tell you about a book I just finished.  Typically, I like to actually read books, but lately I have been getting into audiobooks because I can finish books faster through this method.  Not that fast is good, but I can’t get enough of reading and always want more, so this allows me to cover more territory.

The book that I listened to is called “How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence”, and it was written by Michael Pollan.  The depression part of the title caught my attention at first, but overall all it ended up being a broad look at the history, neuroscience, and hope that psychedelics such as LSD and psilocybin may bring to mental illnesses such as depression.

Even as a pharmacist, I was vaguely aware of these drugs, and I have always assumed they were “bad” and illegal.  However, after hearing this book, I understand that there is a lot more to the story of psychedelics.  In fact, there is research going on today that suggests these drugs might be helpful for some of the topics mentioned in the title.  There is still a long way to go, but psychedelics have shown some promise, and may be another treatment option for depression in the future.

What do you think about this information?  Is it possible these drugs may be helpful?  Does it seem too “out there” in terms of a treatment option?  Would you consider using psychedelics such as LSD if you have depression and research indicates that it may help?  To me, this was an eye opening book, and I encourage people to at least consider taking a look at it.  It may seem ahead of its time right now, but it also might end up being an important tool for treating depression.

Several entries ago I discussed setting up and taking a class called Mental Health First Aid.  Today, I got to take the class, and it was a good learning experience.  The training was about 8 hours long and really targeted what you can say or do when someone is starting to become mentally ill or if there is a mental health crisis situation.  As you can imagine, there was a lot to cover.

As part of the class, there is a 100 plus page booklet that you get to keep, and I am excited to have it as a reference.  On the flip side, that amount of information plus 8 hours of class can be overwhelming, but I am glad to have the information available if and when I would need it.  Also, there is a basic approach presented, so overall just having the simple framework will help you in a lot of situations.  And ultimately, if you are facing a mental health situation, it is good to have an easy, simple framework to help you guide your actions and words.

On the whole, I am always impressed at how I can learn so much from all of these classes.  Sometimes I think I know a lot about mental illness, especially depression, and that one more class won’t add a lot to my knowledge base.  But, I am proven wrong every time.  I should know better by now, and I love to learn anyway.  However, today was another example that the more you learn about mental illness and depression the more you can empower yourself to help others.  That in turn can create a domino effect that helps to reduce stigma, spread understanding, and help us all take care of each other.  Education is indeed a powerful thing, and that is no different when it comes to depression and mental illness.

As we can assume, depression can have a huge effect on those who work for a living.  There are statistics out there that can talk about lost productivity in the workplace, but there are not necessarily numbers on the emotional toll that accumulates when someone has depression.  Some people will end up not being able to work at all, which was the case for my dad.  Some people might be able to work part time, if that is even an option.  Still, others might be able to work but may have issues, including feeling like they have to work even if they don’t feel like it.

Since I have not personally experienced depression I cannot comment on how it feels to live through a depression while working.  My assumption is that it is very, very hard.  It may be hard to concentrate, and performance may suffer.  It may also be hard to interact with others.  Is there anything that can be done at work to help the situation?  Here are some potential ideas I have that may help.

Have you told your boss and/or co-workers about your depression?  This may be hard to do, but may be an option.  If people understand that you have an illness, that may help with your day to day working experience.  Also, many employers have employee assistance programs (some may use a different term), to help employees with a wide variety of concerns.  It may be worth checking to see if your company has such a program.  You could start by contacting your boss and/or human resources department, if you have one.

Overall, you may be surprised by the resources that are available to you as an employee with depression.  I encourage you to at least research what some options might be to help make your working experience a little more manageable.