Category: General

This week has been very different from what I expected.  Instead of a “typical” week for my family, my husband has been away for other family issues, which I hope do improve.  However, this has left me as a single parent for the week, and I have to say that it has been interesting.

By the very nature of what unfolded I was not prepared for this week, meaning that I did not plan on being the only parent around.  I can parent on my own, but I usually prefer to know about it ahead of time and plan accordingly.  And, there are so many other caveats here – there is only one child, it hasn’t been that many days so far, my child is healthy, and for the most part everything else is going alright.  I also have my mom available to help, which has been instrumental in helping me keep my previous commitments.  I honestly probably have about the most perfect set up for being a single parent.

That being said, I am still dragging!  Having to do almost everything is a lot of work, and again, I don’t feel like I really have that much to do.  So, the whole point I want to make here is much respect for the single parents out there.  I know how you have to do what needs to be done, but wow, it’s a lot.  I don’t know how I would do It long term on my own.  Of course, I would if I had to, but having another parent is looking pretty luxurious right now.  And to think there was a time before I met my husband that I thought I could start a family on my own.  Again, possible I know, but I am so glad I have someone to share it with.  Regardless, I have a newfound respect for single parents and all that they accomplish.

Last weekend I was visiting my old college town.  I am not going to get into the reason why, but it is always an interesting feeling when I go back.  I miss it, yet I am also glad that I still don’t live there, because I know my time there was for college.  I don’t think I could live there again – for some reason it would just feel weird, like I had never grown up and started my post-college life.   Of course, you can “never say never”, but it seems that if I have any say I would not live there again.  But I do like visiting for several reasons, one of which is the inspiration I get from it.

It may seem funny that I would be inspired by a place that I would not plan to live in again, but I actually think that is the reason why I am inspired by it.  If I lived there all of the time, I would not be as inspired, it would just become a part of daily life.  So, it is the being away and visiting that inspires me.  I imagine it probably feels this way in most college towns, but what inspires me about my old college town is how there always seems to be so many new ideas floating around.  It is a place where things are being discovered and researched.  It is a place where innovation is actually being acted upon.  This really is not surprising – I’m sure I just generalized every college town.  But, since this was my town for a period in my life, I remember that feeling of starting a new year or semester.  The promise of learning new insights and advancing my knowledge.  I loved the sense of possibility and potential, and that is what still inspires me today.  Of course, I get inspiration from other people, places, and things, but this is something that has stood out because of my recent visit.

How about you?  What places inspire you?  What people or things?  Inspiration can be a wonderful thing in helping to see the potential and possibility in your life.

Do you keep up on current events?  Do you watch “the news”?  I have to say a lot of times I am oblivious to what may be going on in the world, but I feel like I have some good reasons for it.

Sadly, it seems like the news is mostly negative.  It is all about what is not going well and what is wrong.  It includes tragedy and violence and controversy.  And, while I realize there might be a time and place for hearing about these events, I don’t think it should take up a lot of the news.  A lot of this can be upsetting and can make people feel helpless.  Can’t the news inform and empower people?  That probably does happen, but I don’t see it very much.  Until I start noticing a change in the tone of most of the news I will probably keep avoiding it.

Next, I don’t necessarily have a lot of extra time to watch and/or consume the news.  I am living my life – working, parenting, volunteering, and enjoying time with friends and family.  Most of the time I don’t feel like there is room for the news in my life.

Now, I admit there are some reasons why keeping up on current events can be a good thing.  However, for me, the cons outweigh the pros most of the time here.  I know I risk not being informed about a major event, but if it is important enough I will likely hear it from someone I interact with anyway.

How about you?  What are your thoughts on the news?  Do you find it empowering or upsetting or something in between?  Do you feel it is worth your time, or do you want to change how you interact with the news?  I hope you take some time to think about what role the news plays in your life, and if it is a role you want to change.

This last weekend was very busy for me – it included some events as well as visiting some friends and family.  I am a little tired from it, but it wasn’t that bad, and I think I know why.  It was a weekend where I actually just “rolled with it” and didn’t spend time thinking about what else needed to be done.  Instead of thinking about where I thought we should be and when that should happen, I just let it go.  I just lived.  Instead of doing I was being.  What a great way to lose some of the tension and expectation.  What a great way to enjoy a weekend!

What made this weekend less stressful for me?  I think a couple of things helped.  First, a regular meditation practice continues to help me focus on the present instead of thinking about all of the things that need to be done.  This is definitely still a work in progress, but I notice little improvements here and there, this past weekend being one of them.  Focusing on the present helps you to worry less about the future.  It also can help you to spend less time dwelling on the past.  The second thing that I think helped was getting some exercise early on in the weekend.  My family walked a 5K last Saturday morning, and I think that was a great start to our weekend.  We got some exercise, we got some fresh air, and we got to spend time together as a family.  Lastly, I think spending some time outside was helpful as well.  Nature has some wonderful ways of settling your emotions and giving you things to focus on in the present.

After looking back on this weekend I am thinking we might be on to something – a family walk on Saturday mornings, if possible.  And, based on the goals I have, that may turn into a family jog.  Regardless, I am excited that I may have stumbled upon something that is beneficial to both my family and me.

This week it seems my brain has been on overdrive.  As a result, I have been trying to do multiple things all at once so I can “get things done”.  Does that sound familiar to anyone else?  Most of time I just do it and move on, but this week it seems to be different.  How?

All of this multitasking seems to have come with a major price tag on my sleep and health.  I just feel tired all of the time, and I have been sleeping in all week.  That means that I have been skipping my morning workout and downtime too.  I rationalize that I will multitask and work out and get some other things done during the day too, but that has not been happening.  Clearly, multitasking is not working for me this week, and in reality I need a better plan for dealing with my brain being on overdrive, no matter when that is.

If you read anything about multitasking, you know it is actually not a great thing.  Research has shown that your brain can only do so much, so if you try to focus on several things at once, each thing will not get your full attention.  I think a lot of us pride ourselves on our ability to multitask, but it really doesn’t do us much good.  The key seems to be the ability to focus on one thing until a certain stopping point or completion, and then move on to the next thing.  Easier said than done, of course, but this is where meditation can be helpful.  If you take the time and focus to meditate, that can help you focus on one thing in other parts of your day.  That is not the only answer to multitasking, but it is something I am working on to help me focus on one thing at a time.

How about you?  Do you feel like you are always multitasking?  How does it make you feel?  Would you rather not multitask?  If so, how can you begin to change your multitasking ways?

Over the last few days it seems that I have had to try very hard to stay focused and on task.  It seems like there is temptation everywhere – the temptation to eat less healthy food, the temptation to not return emails, the temptation to sleep in and not exercise – it feels like almost everything is a conscious chore to make sure I am doing what I think is the right thing to do.  Will the world end if I eat poorly, ignore emails, and skip exercise?  Of course not, but these are important items to me that also potentially have long term gains and consequences.  While I may not feel like doing many of them lately, I know that deep down these are things I want to do.

I guess I could give myself credit for pretty much doing these things this week despite feeling the temptation not to do so.  Some days, that is more than enough.  But how do I ultimately overcome some of these temptations with automatically doing the right thing and not having to wrestle with the temptation itself?  Is that even possible?  Is temptation just a part of life?  I tend to think so, but unfortunately I do not have the answer to this one.

However, there are things I know I can do to make the temptations less of a presence in my day.  I can go to bed early enough that getting up early to exercise isn’t a big deal.  I can wear some or all of my workout clothes to bed so I can just get up and go.  I can keep unhealthy food out of our house.  Sure, all these things are easier said than done, but the nice part is I can plan for some temptations, because for me I know they will come my way.  How about you?  Can you anticipate some temptations that come your way?  Can you think of ways to help avoid them (assuming you want to avoid them)?  Temptations will probably be around most of the time, but there are ways to make it easier.

Like most mornings that I wake up before everyone else in the house, I have a few minutes to look around and think about what the house looks like.  Honestly, I don’t spend too much time on it, but depending on who you ask, it certainly wouldn’t come close to a ”Better Homes and Gardens” or a “Martha Stewart Living” photo spread.  There are toys scattered everywhere, little crumbs on the floor wherever my son has had food, and there seems to be never-ending piles of stuff in many places.  And, to be realistic, the little messes my son makes are probably nothing compared to what he will come up with as a toddler.  Yes, I look at this almost every day, but I don’t get frustrated, and honestly that amazes me sometimes.  Why doesn’t this create some anxiety for me?

10 years ago my now daily scene would have bothered me – that was back when I lived on my own and could control everything – when and what I cleaned, plus I only had to clean up after myself.  Enter a husband and a child and that changes everything.  It’s not that I don’t completely care anymore, but there are things that are way more important to me now than keeping a spotless home.  We take care of the basics – clothes and dishes are clean, the house does get cleaned and organized on a regular basis, and we keep things sanitary.  You are just not going to see a lot of sparkle and shine at our place.

So what is more important to me?  Simple.  Living and being.  Spending time with my husband and son.  Being with them instead of obsessing over having a spotless, perfect home.  Who can live in a perfect home anyway?  When I look around our home in the morning, I either move on or smile, because it tells me that I live in a house with a lot of love and lot of laughter.  Where life is lived and not just made to look good.  It’s not a mess to me, but rather a beautiful testament to a family actually living and enjoying life.

It seems like everywhere I look when it comes to personal development and/or work, I am being told to make SMART goals.  You might have heard of it – SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-Based.  Maybe it’s just me, but I find goal setting incredibly boring, especially at work.  It already blocks my creativity and thinking by having to follow someone else’s idea of how to set a goal.  Of course, there may be a time and place for them, and they probably do serve a purpose, but I am not a big fan of the SMART goals.

Something that I really have enjoyed hearing about recently is what I would call incremental change.  Here, the focus is on becoming and/or doing a little bit better as time goes on.  The thinking is that even with a 1 or 5 percent improvement you can see changes.  You may not measure it exactly as a certain percentage of improvement, but you know are doing better.  An example would be exercise.  Say you work out for 15 minutes a day 3 days a week – what if you increased that to 20 minutes a day 3 days a week?  Without having to do specific measurements, we understand that this change can lead to greater health.  Again, having measurable goals can be important to demonstrate change, but there are things that don’t require such rigid measurement to see an improvement.

I also like the idea of incremental change because it encourages me to think about what I can do now instead of being paralyzed by a big goal that seems overwhelming.  All of the little steps can add up to something big, so what little steps can you or I take today to show improvement?  Whether it is related to health, work, hobbies, etc., I encourage you to see what small changes you can make to improve your life.

For anyone who knows me well, you know that I am an avid reader.  Honestly, there are times when I am obsessed with it – I will carry a book or my Kindle with me, and I will find every free moment to have that book out reading.  Of course, there are some books that I like more than others, and there are some that apply to the topics that I blog about.  Today I will list a few books that I have read recently and would recommend to you if you are interested.  These books are also listed on my Resources page.

1.Permission to Parent by Robin Berman – this is a great book that to me gets back to the basics of parenting.  Parents are not here to answer to a child’s every whim and be their friend, parents are here to help (in a positive and supportive way) make sure their child(ren) become self-sufficient adults (assuming no serious disabilities).  Parenting a lot of the time may mean doing some hard things, but in the end it will be worth the effort, and I appreciate that this book is out there.

2.The Nature Fix by Florence Williams – this book to me speaks to the power of nature to help heal, restore, and prevent stress and disease.  Nature may not be the ultimate cure, but the information and stories presented here make for a compelling case that nature can definitely help all of us on our journey to or maintenance of health and wellness.

3.Miracle Mindset by JJ Virgin – this book includes a miraculous story and the lessons that came with it.  I won’t share those lessons, but I think this is a great book for a caregiver of someone with mental illness.  Although you may not describe your situation as a miracle, there are lessons in the book that I think can really apply to any difficult situation that you may be facing.

Of course, I understand that it may be hard to find the time to read or maybe you are not all that into reading.  That’s fine.  Perhaps you can get an audio version or at the very least go to the author’s website to possibly get an idea of the major themes.  Whatever works for you is what is important.  Regardless, knowledge can be helpful, and I hope these recommendations might help in some way.

I have been up for less than 15 minutes, and I already feel like I am “running behind”.  I see before me a day of meetings, chores, and tasks, and I wonder if I will have enough time to get it all done.  Bummer.  I am guessing this is a feeling that is not new to almost everyone, and I have blogged about it before.

Even though my to-do list is long today, I am already strategizing about what the priorities are:  obviously, I need to take care of my child.  If you are a caregiver to someone, chances are that taking care of them is a priority for you too.  But I am also thinking about how I can fit in some meditation, exercise, and time to read my devotional.  In addition, I am wondering about how I can make the meetings, chores, and tasks more fun.  Can I listen to some music I like while doing those things?  Can I be surrounded by pictures of things that inspire me?  Are there smells or textures that make for a more calming environment for me?

Of course, if your day is already busy, it can be hard to take the time to think of ways to take care of yourself and/or make what you have to do seem a little more pleasant.  I encourage you to think about these things when you are not so busy, and then develop a plan that is ready to go when the busy days show up.  This also does not have to be a rigid plan, but something that has some options for those busy days that seem to be inevitable.  While my primary wish here is no overwhelming days for anyone, my secondary (and more realistic) wish is to make the best of whatever a “regular” day throws at you.