Category: General

*Note: This was written at an earlier date

I have been looking forward to this day for weeks.  A paid holiday from work for me, and yet everyone in my family has a regular day.  A free day for me to do whatever I want!  I have had some plans in the back of my mind, but I didn’t make any solid commitments for the day.  I was thinking I will just “go with the flow”.

Now, I suppose I am glad I went with that sentiment, because we are in the middle of an ice storm.  I may not have to work today, but I am assuming that everyone else’s regular day will not be so regular.  I’m thinking it will not be the free day I was hoping for.  And, to be honest, I am a little bummed.

I assume this happens to everyone.  You make plans, or at least you think you have an idea of how something is going to happen, and then it doesn’t or something comes up that might not be as fun or enjoyable.  The weather is bad.  A family situation comes up.  Your loved one with mental illness has an unexpected bad day.  Also, to note, I am talking about somewhat regular events here – I am not discussing major life events like a death in the family or something traumatic.  Although every situation is different, it can be very disappointing to have things not go in your planned direction.

So, how do you cope?  We’ve all had to do it already, but is there a “best” way to deal with the disappointment?

Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that.  Everyone has different ways of dealing with a change of plans, and it can depend on the situation.  My example today is pretty simple – I probably won’t have my free day – I will spend it with my family, but in turn I will be helping to keep them safe from being out in icy, dangerous weather.

So, maybe what you or I have to do is straightforward, but perhaps what can be changed is how we react to it.  Easier said than done, again.  Depending on what you believe, you might think there are positive reasons why this happened.  Or, perhaps you can bring up some gratitude on what is going well instead.  While you may not be able to change the situation, you can change or control how you react to it, and hopefully you can find positive ways to do so.  The next time something in your day doesn’t go as planned, I encourage you to react to it in the most positive way that you can.

My last entry was on resolutions and themes, and if you set any, I am guessing that some of you included “getting organized” as one of them.  This one is always a challenge to me.

While I would like to think that I enjoy organization and the perception of control it brings, when I really think about it, I dread it.  It seems like a lot of work.  It really isn’t that enjoyable for me to do.  Admittedly, I love the feeling I get when I am done, but it doesn’t last long, and soon enough I am feeling “disorganized” again.  And, within the last year, there is a new challenge – my little one.  Not that my little one is that messy (yet), but it’s really hard to spend time organizing when he is way more fun to take care of and entertain.  So, how do I stay even remotely in the ballpark of organized (well, at least in my terms)?

Before I had my son, I would do a massive organizational stint in January.  Every weekend was focused on different rooms of the house, and a lot of purging, filing, and donating went on.  I figured, January is my least favorite month anyway, so I might as well focus on getting the house in some degree of order.  And what a long, frustrating month it was.

This year, I am trying something new.  I am doing this partly because I don’t have the motivation to do it all at once and partly because my son isn’t going to give me whole days to devote to organizing.  Every month, I have decided that we will only focus on a room or two.  We have the whole month to get the targeted areas up to date.  This rolling focus means that everything will have been addressed by the end of the year.  And, if all goes well, we will do this every year.  I am already breathing a sigh of relief knowing that I am setting it up to be a constant work in progress with incremental steps along the way.

How about you?  Do you have a routine or process that needs a change up?  How could you do it differently?  Would this change be helpful in your opinion?  I hope you can make the time to think about it if it sparks your interest.

Most pharmacists I believe are control freaks, and I am no exception.  I want to plan and coordinate and make sure everything goes the way I expect it to.  Hilarious stuff, I know.  Throw in having a child and it becomes even funnier.  What’s worse is I’m someone who thinks they can control external events but doesn’t usually think about what I actually can control.  But, I am trying to work on really thinking it through.

There are so many things in this world I can’t control – the weather, illness, what other people say and do, and so on.  I have to let it go, because if I think I can control any of it, I am going to be disappointed so many times that I might start to get depressed.  How can I let it go?  For me, that can include praying or meditating.  For you, that may mean some other type of spiritual exercise or activity.  Also, this is not a “one and done” practice.  This is a constant work in progress for me.

Once I work through the things I can’t control, I am trying to focus on what I can.  I can control how I react to life.  I can control how I spend my time.  I can control how I spend my money.  A lot of the time, I catch myself just drifting along in my own life, when I could be making deliberate choices about me and exerting the control I so desperately want to use on everything else!  Ah, the insights you discover when you keep pushing to learn about yourself and your world.

If “regular life” wasn’t enough, control can take on a whole new meaning when caring with someone with mental illness.  It can feel like you have no control over anything in this scenario, but perhaps thinking about what to let go and what YOU can control will help.  Most of the time, this is not an easy road, and it may feel like there isn’t even the time to think about it.  However, taking a moment to process your thoughts on control might really help your perspective.  This in turn can help you be a better caregiver.  I encourage you to give it a try if you can.

If you have been reading my blog, you know that recently I announced that I would be focusing my services on caregivers of those who are mentally ill.  No matter what the situation, caregiving can be tough stuff, but I think that caring for those with mental illness can have some very specific challenges.

It can be hard to care for someone who physically looks ok – you don’t see any broken bones or wounds, and they may interact with the world in what would be considered a “normal” way.  But, over time, you learn that there are wounds and scars, you just don’t physically see them.  It can be so hard to empathize with them, however.  “It’s all in his or her head.”  “Why can’t they just snap out of it?”  “He or she needs to stop pretending something is wrong.”  “They just want attention.”  These are all things I admit to saying about someone I love that has suffered from a mental illness, and there is guilt now from ever believing those things.

There are other factors, but caregiving for the mentally ill can be physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually draining.  It can take away time to meet with friends, exercise, go to church, or many other activities that are important to you.  It can frustrate you, make you cry, and make you angry.

My hope is that you can begin to look at your caregiving situation and see what you are missing that you really enjoy.  Once you know that, it is time to start thinking about what is most important to you and how you can fit that into your life.  That can certainly be hard to do, but you are already doing some hard stuff.  Although you may doubt yourself, you are doing the best you can to take care of someone else.  How do you turn that around and do your best to take care of yourself?

Every once in awhile, and I assume like most others, I get a flash of inspiration.  This weekend, I had one of them that will change the focus of what I am doing with my blog and my business.  Currently, I am open to working on health and wellness with anyone, and that doesn’t have to change.  However, I would like to start focusing on health and wellness for a particular group of individuals – those that care for people with mental illness.

Although I have not personally struggled with mental illness, it has been in my family for many years.  I understand the challenges and stress that can come with these illnesses.  I’ve been there.  And, although I imagine that having a mental illness is awful, I also know that caregivers of those with mental illness need to be taken care of as well.  I firmly believe that you can’t take care of someone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.  And, taking care of yourself means working on your personal health and wellness.

So, today I am letting the world know – if you are a caregiver for someone with a mental illness, I want to help make sure that you are taking care of your health and wellness.  I want you to be at your best so you can take care of those that need you.  Despite the challenges of caregiving, I believe there are ways to fit in self care, and I am interested in helping you on your journey.

As someone with a pharmacy background and a love for learning, I spend a lot of time reading, watching or listening to videos or webinars, and generally trying to soak up as much information as I can.  A lot of that information is related to health and wellness, and, like just about any subject, there is a lot of information out there.  Not only is there a huge volume but it can also conflict.  How do I know what is right?  What data should I go by?  What information will help me?  What information will help you?

The simple answer: it depends.  So frustrating to hear, but so true.  Because a general theme that seems to apply to health and wellness is that there is no one size fits all.  Everyone is different – even at this moment, the chemical make up in your body, including any food, medicine, hormones, minerals, vitamins, etc. is different from anyone else.  Of course, there are some principles that seem to apply well to everyone – an example is that eating a variety of vegetables seems to be a good recommendation.  But excluding those exceptions, any kind of interventions or treatments should be individualized, and I think a lot of people understand and desire that.  What works for you may not work for me.

While individualized intervention can sound appealing, it can be frustrating too.  I can think of diets or medications that are meant to be used on a wide population, but it won’t work for everyone.  Sometimes individualized plans can come with a lot of trial and error, and that can be hard when you are trying to feel better, lose weight, etc.  As with most things in life, there are pros and cons to a lot of what we do.  In the end, however, I think in our journeys of health and wellness we need to encourage an individualized approach.  This is a path that we continue to see, and I hope it results in more wellness for all.

Right now, I am listening to the Top 40 countdown from this week in 1984 on SiriusXM’s 80s on 8.  And I love it.  In fact, if you know me well enough, you know that it doesn’t get too much better than this for me.  There are several reasons I think contribute to my love for 80s music, and 80s nostalgia in general:

• I was born in 1981, so to me the 80s represent a time of innocence, fun, and being carefree
• My parents listened to popular music at that time, so 80s music became the soundtrack to my early life
• I started revisiting 80s music and pop culture when I was in high school in the late 90s, and its mostly optimistic and upbeat attitude keep me coming back again and again

Of course, we know it is now 2016 as I write this, and the 80s are long gone.  Am I stuck in the past with my obsession with all things 80s?  I know that “living in the past” is typically frowned upon, but is loving the 80s considered to be “living in the past”?

My answer to that question is no.  I am a big believer in living in the present, even though my execution of that philosophy is poor.  I am a big fan of meditation and yoga, but again, I struggle to really just be in the moment.  It is something I strive for and continue to develop.  In the meantime, I can be found on both sides of the present, remembering my past as well as planning my future.  In fact, planning ahead might take up more of my time than singing along to 80s music, although I will do both frequently at the same time.

So, in my mind, my 80s devotion is more like a hobby to me.  And, it brings me joy.  What could be so bad about living the present with something that brings me joy?

And with that in mind, I will continue to enjoy my present by listening to the 1984 Top 40 countdown.

As a newer mom, I have been bombarded by the question, “Can I really have it all?”  Or, “can I really DO it all”?  While in my opinion this can apply to both men and women, it seems that you hear about this more with women.  Career, household, parenting, relationships, and individual pursuits…how can one possibly do it all, let alone do it well?

Of course, as with a lot of things in the media, the question seems to have two opposing answers: the first is that you can’t do it all, so you should decide what you want to focus on and ditch the rest.  The other side is that you can do it all, but you must possess some kind of magical power to do so and do it fabulously.  Well, that is my perspective anyway. (Disclaimer: this probably will not come as a surprise, but everything on my blog is solely my opinion and perspective – I also do not make any medical claims, so any advice I give on any topic you should decide to follow based on your own research and consultations.)

As the years go on, I realize that many things in life are not black and white.  Most things lie on a continuum with a lot of gray in between the black and white.  I think a woman’s question of being able to “do it all” includes a lot of gray as well.  There are many ways to tackle this question, with no right or wrong answers.

So, ladies, and gentlemen, don’t struggle with this question.  You will find a way to do what is important to you, even if it may not receive 100% of your effort.  While this is not comforting for a lot of people, there is a peace that comes from accepting that there are only so many hours in a day and only so much can be done.

As you know, I am a pharmacist, which usually comes with a drive for perfection.  I definitely fit that mold.  It’s taken a baby to completely change my world, and it’s amazing how much more the phrase “good enough” has come into my thought process.  Even before the baby, I was not very domestic, so realistically I wasn’t “doing it all” that well anyway.

However, I think I can “do it all”, but it becomes a matter of imperfection.  I am making the choice to “do it all” because I want the variety and have an interest in all of these areas of life.  But, I am accepting the fact that I probably won’t be a rockstar at any of it.  I can be a “good enough” mother, a “good enough” employee, and a “good enough” wife.  Taken altogether, I am a “good enough” woman with a rich life.

And, although I am sure I will have setbacks and struggles, I feel good about accepting my version of “doing it all”.  It may not be pretty, it may not be perfect, but it gives me the chance to realize my life and my potential.  I can look back on each day and know that I have done everything that I can and that I have actually lived a life.  And there is no better feeling at the end of the day.