Category: General

For those who did not know, my family and I have moved to Arizona!  This has been an over 3 month project, and the discussion to make this dream a reality was happening way before then.  I had always talked to my husband about moving to Arizona when we retired, but that is a long time in the future.  My husband was looking to move to a different house and has lived in Iowa his entire life, so between the two of us we decided to move to a retirement location early 🙂  My husband gets a lot of credit from taking something I talked about and making it happen.  It has been a lot of work, but we are excited to start this new chapter in our lives. While this is exciting for us, I would be lying if I said it was all rainbows and butterflies.  To me, moving halfway across the country was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone.  In Iowa, we had it all down and life was very comfortable.  I think part of it was that we wanted to make a change before we got so comfortable we didn’t do anything.  But, there have been many twists and turns along the way.  I have had days and events that were fun and exciting, and days and events that had me pretty down.  This has also been a lot of hard work, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  We have had so much to do, so much to take care of, and there were days when I did not think I would be sitting in my new home like I am now.  However, now that we are on the other side of some of the major events, things are looking pretty sweet 🙂 Of course, this project is not done.  While the house in Iowa has been sold and we are almost settled in, more work has to be done.  My mom moved down with us, and will be moving into her place next week.  That means more unpacking and sorting items at both our place and hers.  I am unable to keep my current job long term, and have been looking for something new.  My son is settling into his new routine at a new preschool and daycare.  We will likely have to start the adoption process all over again since we are in a new state.  My husband and I started a new diet and fitness plan.  And on it goes.  To me, EVERYTHING has changed, and that can be both scary and exciting all at the same time.  But, we truly believe this is an overall great change for our family.  We went to Sedona last weekend, and my husband and I got to hike to the spot where we got married over 5 years ago.  To me, in a way, it was a moment of victory to see how far we have come.

Lots of changes happening in my world right now…so much so that I am going to skip writing a full entry for this month.  Rest assured, however, that these changes are good and exciting ones.  More to come…

Another month, and the pandemic is still a big topic in the world.  Rightfully so, but people are also starting to get restless, and I empathize with that sentiment.  In fact, as I sit here writing this entry, I am struck by how much waiting I feel like I have been doing: 

As I mentioned in my last entry, we are in a time of pandemic.  From my point of view, the situation has not really changed much since the last time I wrote.  A lot of people are either working from home or not at all, children are not physically going to a school building, and most of us are still under orders to “social distance”.  Of course, I prefer the term “physical distance”, because that is the only type of distancing that we are doing in our household.  We are still trying to be as socially connected to others as we can.  Maybe it is just the day I am experiencing, but right now I do not feel like there is a lot more that I can add to describe the situation we find ourselves in.  Honestly, I am tired of the whole pandemic thing.  But, life goes on, and we must find a way to make the best of a tough situation. 

Here are some things I am doing during the pandemic that is benefiting my health, including my mental health:

1.Organizing/cleaning out certain areas of the house

2.Games, walks, etc. with my immediate family

3.Exercising 

4.Reading

5.Listening to music

6.Watching a movie or show

7.Helping/serving others by donating money, time, or things

8.Reaching out to extended family and friends

9.Creating something – writing, dancing, etc.

10.Watching, reading, or listening to funny things

11.Performing acts of kindness

12.Learning new things 

This list is what works for me.  I recognize that for some people this may be silly or overwhelming or not enough to stay busy.  All of that is fine, but the main point is that I want to acknowledge that we are all affected by this pandemic in some way, and we all have ways to keep our health at the forefront of what we are doing.  I hope that you and yours are doing well, and I hope that this pandemic begins to lessen its burden on the world.

No doubt that by the time you read this entry, you are well versed in hearing about the newest pandemic called the Coronavirus, or COVID-19.  I don’t need to rehash the current statistics or talk about the biology, but I want to spend my entry discussing some of the major themes that have occurred to me in the last few weeks.

Last week was the beginning of Lent, which is a 40 day period before Easter.  Traditionally, during this time people will give up something.  Some big examples that I have heard of include a certain food, or staying off of a social media site, such as Facebook.  Being the hit or miss Christian that I sometimes am, I have had years where I have chosen to participate and years that I have not even thought about it.  This year, though, on Mardi Gras (the day before Lent), it came to me – this year I would give up undeserved blame.  Let’s explore this a little bit more.

When I really started to think about it, I realized how much blame is in my life.  And it is not only me blaming other people, situations, or things.  I blame myself for many, many things – things I can’t control, and things that are undeserved on my part.  Of course, I am not the only one who does this.  Then, when thinking about mental health, there is a ton of blame found in this area.  Again, much of it undeserved.  Can anyone or anything be blamed for mental health?  I do not like to use the word never, but I would say blame should almost never come up when it comes to mental health.  I do not think anyone should be blamed if they have a mental illness – and for well-intentioned friends and family of someone with a mental illness, those people should not be blamed either.

What would my world look like if I gave up underserved blame?  What would the entire world look like if we all gave up undeserved blame?  What would the world look like if personal blame was completely eliminated from any discussions about mental illness?  I am hoping to learn more in the next 40 days.

As we begin a new year, I wanted to reflect on 2019 and look ahead to 2020.  Specifically, I wanted to share my “word of the year” for 2020, because at this time that sounds way more fun than making resolutions.  I am not a big fan of resolutions anyway.  Honestly, I can’t remember if I have done this before, but for 2020, my word is going to be: connection.  Let me tell you why.

As we wrap up 2019, I am concerned by how empty and alone I feel.  That probably sounds unlikely coming from me and knowing that my life is full of many wonderful and meaningful things.  Truly, I am a very fortunate woman.  But, when I say empty and alone, it isn’t all about one particular person, place, or thing.  That is where “connection” comes into play.  I feel like I have lost connections to people, places, things, activities, goals, values, etc. that are important to me.  How did I get so lost?  When did life become just getting things checked off of a list? 

So, for me, I am going to work on creating or improving the connections in my life.  And, the beauty of this is that it doesn’t mean I have to work harder or more.  It may mean I let go of some things or change how I interact with someone or something.  Connection can be liberating, and I am looking forward to a more meaningful and purposeful year.

When shifting this topic to mental health in general, connection is key.  In fact, I know of at least one book that discusses how depression can be linked to lost connections to nature, relationships, meaningful work, etc.  When we think about our mental well-being, connections are a factor in how we feel.  As we head into 2020, I encourage you to look into your connections and how they may be affecting your mental health.  You might be surprised to see connections between your connections.

As I write this entry, we are almost at 7 years since my dad became a victim of suicide.  It has almost become a tradition that I reflect on this every year, and this time is no exception.  Let’s get to it.

As with every year that has passed since my dad’s death, there have been some major life events that have went on without him.  Thinking about my life alone, I have switched jobs, and I just had a surgery.  I have also went on several trips and have gotten to see and learn more about the world.  Casting the net even wider, my dad also has a new granddaughter this year, and I can only imagine how much he would have loved holding his third grandchild.

There are the big events, and then there are all the little things that make up our lives.  There has been a lot of laughter and some tears.  Some disagreements, and a lot of hugs and kisses.  Some days have been beautiful, others sad, but many times I catch myself wondering what my dad would have said if he had been here to see it all.

If there is anything different about this year, it is how this day has sort of snuck up on me this time – usually, once July hits I am thinking about his suicide more, but that hasn’t been the case.  I don’t think that changes much, but it is different.  I also seem to be in a phase where I can’t stop listening to Phil Collins, an artist that I listened to a lot with my dad.  I guess listening to Phil Collins makes me think I am hanging out with my dad again.

Overall, and as I would have suspected, 7 years does not make the grief any less.  It still sucks, and I will continue to carry that sadness with me.  I miss you Dad, and I love you.

Today I want to touch on something I have experienced, but until now I did not know it had terminology associated with it.  The topic is autonomous sensory meridian response, also known as ASMR.  While doing a quick internet search, I felt like I did not come up with a lot of reputable or scientific articles on the subject.  However, it is out in the world, so I will do my best to give you what I understand about ASMR.

According to Wikipedia, ASMR is an experience categorized by a static-like or tingling sensation on the skin that typically begins on the scalp and makes its way down the back of the neck and the upper spine.  ASMR includes the subjective experience of a “low-grade euphoria “.  It is commonly triggered by specific auditory or visual stimuli, and less commonly by intentional attention control.  Some examples of ASMR “triggers” include:  a whispering voice, quiet, repetitive sounds such as turning book pages, tapping nails onto surfaces such as plastic or wood, and hand movements.  For those of you familiar with the reference, a prime example to me is listening to the painter Bob Ross talk while he paints on his old TV shows.

To tie ASMR to mental health, there are thoughts that ASMR can be helpful for depression and general mental well-being, among other things.  Again, as I noted above, there is not a lot of scientific evidence to support ASMR at this time, but based on experiences (and the millions of ASMR videos online), it appears that ASMR can provide some benefit.

How about you?  Are you familiar with ASMR?  Do you relate to the description of ASMR that I discussed above?  I know this topic has me intrigued, and I look forward to learning more about its benefits and applications.