Category: Social

Down Time

As I write this entry, we are the beginning of a short work week, well, at least for me.  I only have to work three days, and then I get a four day weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday.  It hasn’t always been this way.  When I worked in hospital pharmacy, I frequently worked a lot of holidays and weekends, and a four day weekend was pretty rare.  I’m still not too hung up on whether I would have to work the holiday or not, but what I wouldn’t want to give up is the consecutive number of days off in a row.  I mean, four days in a row?  It’s a beautiful thing that my recent Monday through Friday day jobs have given me when Thanksgiving rolls around.

That being said, what I am really looking forward to is having some additional down time.  Ahhh, that elusive time to decompress and relax.  My hope is that in those four days I will get to do some really laid back activities – watch some TV (which I do little of these days), take a nap, watch a movie, have decent and lengthy conversations with people, do something creative, play a game or two (even though I am very picky on what that is), slowly enjoy a glass of wine…I’m sure I could go on.  Now, I do have a toddler, so that list might have to be modified a bit, but hopefully some of that down time includes my little one relaxing as well.  Also, I have worked really hard to clear my calendar as much as possible for this long weekend.  There are a few things to do, but for the most part it is optional.

How about you?  Are you getting a long weekend soon?  If so, how do you plan to unwind?  My hope is that everyone has chances for down time throughout the year, but especially around the holidays.

Leadership

I have recently received the honor of being elected as president of a state board that works on issues related to mental illness.  This will be for 2018, and I am looking forward to collaborating with many people to help with education, support, and advocacy around mental illness.  The great news is that there is a lot of momentum and passion, and I can’t wait to see what progress we make in the coming year.

That being said, I am now a formalized “leader”.  What exactly does it mean to be a leader?  What exactly is leadership in the first place?  There are definitions out here, but I think leadership is defined by each individual.  To me, leadership is about setting an example and creating a vision.  It is about speaking up and asking questions.  Essentially, to me, everyone is a leader, whether it is a formalized position or not.  In my book, anyone who tries to persuade or guide or work with anyone is a leader.  And, I think it is safe to say that most of us fit that activity.

Broad definitions aside, I am spending some more time reflecting on my formalized role.  What exactly do I envision for the organization?  What examples do I want to set?  How do I want to speak out more for mental health issues?  How can I make more connections so I can ask more questions and work on more solutions?  There is a lot of work to be done, and my hope is that by reflecting on these questions I will be better able to lead in the next year.

How about you?  In what ways (formal or informal) are you a leader?  What does being a leader mean to you?  How can you better exemplify what you think it means to be a leader?  I think these are some great questions to consider as you reflect on how you are a leader.

Helping Everyone

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by all of the issues in our world.  Things like homelessness, human trafficking, illiteracy, hunger, domestic abuse, child abuse, and many others make me very upset, and a lot of times I don’t know where to begin.  I am sure I don’t even know all of the issues out there.  How am I supposed to be of service in this world when there is so much work to be done?  What are the most important one(s) to focus on?  What kind of impact can I have?

I think it is really easy to get paralyzed by this – there are so many causes that I want to help, but I can’t help them all.  I am trying really hard to focus on a few areas, namely mental health, but even then I get distracted by everything else that is in our world.  However, this afternoon I had an insight that has really made me feel better about being able to help a wide variety of people.

The insight was that if I really thought about it, mental health touches every person in the world.  As a result, by working on mental health, I am also touching issues such as homelessness, human trafficking, illiteracy, hunger, domestic abuse, child abuse, and so on.  Ultimately, all of these issues are interrelated, so I actually do get a chance to help with them all.  I realize that it might sound highly idealistic, but this has given me a lot of comfort as I try to be of service in the world.  Overall, I feel that by helping with one issue you are more than likely helping with them all.  So, all of us should be proud of how we serve others.  We are truly making a difference in many small and big ways.

Tennis

In my last entry I talked about visiting New York City.  The big reason we visited at this time of the year was so that we could go to a session of the U.S. Open professional tennis championships.  I don’t think my husband was too excited about it, but after seeing it in person he was really enjoying it.  This was also my first time watching tennis live, and I loved it, but I had already suspected that I would.

Why the U.S. Open?  I’ve actually been a fan of tennis for quite awhile.  I started watching the French Open, Wimbledon, and the U.S. Open during the summers where I was old enough to stay home on my own but not old enough to work.  My brother and I would watch the matches, which helped us to learn the sport.  We even tried to play tennis sometimes, but most of the time was spent chasing after the tennis ball.  Even today, I am thinking about taking some lessons if I can find a way to fit it into my schedule.

Why tennis at all?  I’m not sure I have a great answer for that.  It has just been something that I casually enjoy, which is great, because I don’t feel all that obligated to keep up with it if I don’t want to.  It is great to have an interest that I can dabble in and out of when the mood hits me.  Tennis of course can also be great for your physical and social health, so when I do engage in playing I can get benefits as well.

How about you?  Do you have a hobby that is around when you feel like dropping in and out of it?  It’s certainly not a requirement in life, but it can add to your enjoyment of it, and I encourage you to look into it if you are interested.

Girls Night Out

I recently went on a “Girls Night Out” with a couple of friends, that yes, were girls.  We met at a restaurant, had some food and drinks, and spent a few hours talking about what was going on in our lives.  It is always wonderful to catch up with friends, and there is something fun about having it be just other women.  I am not saying that is it always true, but it seems that being with only women makes the conversation different.  I think a lot of women can relate in ways that maybe men cannot.  My assumption is that the conversation for a group of all men is different as well.  Another aspect was that there were no children present, which led to less interruptions in the conversation.  Overall, I enjoyed being able to have an adult conversation with other people who understand the joys and challenges that being female can bring.

Now, everyone has different preferences, and there are certainly no rules about it, but I enjoy a girls night out.  I am sure there are also men who enjoy outings with other guys too.  It doesn’t have to have anything to do with sexism, it is just about getting to spend time with friends.  It was mentioned that we should do this at a certain frequency, so I am hoping that possibly monthly would be a place to start.   It doesn’t always have to be dinner and drinks either, but that is relatively easy to do.  Whatever it looks like, girls night out seems like a great way to stay in touch and enjoy some free time with others.

How about you?  Do you participate in any girls or guys night outs?  If so, what do you do?  If you don’t, does that idea appeal to you?  How could you make a girls or guys night out happen?

Lonely vs. Being Alone

Although I love spending time with friends and family, I also love spending time alone.  I am a big reader, so that usually requires some alone time.  I also like to have the time to think and contemplate what is going on in the world and in my life.  In these situations, I make the choice to be alone, and I am happy to keep myself occupied.  This is very different from being lonely.

To me, loneliness is when people do not make the choice to be alone – in fact, they are lonely because they want to be around others but their circumstances do not allow that to happen.  Loneliness can negatively affect quality of life and there are even studies that suggest that loneliness can lead to an earlier death.  The mechanics of why that happens are probably not completely understood, but on an intuitive level I think we can understand why being around others is so important to our health and well being.

So, to me there is a difference.  Being alone is a choice.  Loneliness is something we wish to change.  How do you move away from loneliness?  It can be hard to do, but reaching out can be a first step.  Even if it is hard to leave your home, if you have the internet and/or a phone you can connect with others in those ways.  The internet is great for finding people who have similar interests as you do.  You can also possibly connect with neighbors and those that are close to where you live.  Churches are also a great place to find connection.  The good news is that there are lots of ways to connect.

For me, I am fortunate enough to have the problem of not always feeling like I have any alone time.  To create that I have to work with my loved ones to carve out that time.  Sometimes just a few hours on my own will recharge me for awhile, and I am so grateful that I get to make it happen.

Maybe you are lonely.  Maybe you need some alone time.  Maybe you have a great balance of this already – if so, good for you!  But, if you don’t, I encourage you to think about how you might be able to get to the level of connection that is right for you.

You Are What You Project

There are many things in life that I simply cannot retain – things that always seem to hit me as a new concept, but when I think about it I know that I have heard it before.  One of those concepts hit me again today.  That concept is that people are what they project.  Let me explain with an example.

Have you ever had a boss that is very critical of you and what you do?  When you really stop to think about it, what is driving their behavior?  Is it really you, or is it something about them and their history that drives them to behave in this way?  The theory is that it really isn’t about you – it is about them.  The reason they are being overly critical of you is because they are insecure about themselves.  Taking this further with another example – a boss that doesn’t seem to trust you.  Is it really about trusting you or is it because they can’t trust themselves?  When you start thinking about situations in this way, it can definitely make you feel better about how people treat you.

However, there is another side to it.  How do you treat other people?  Are you critical or negative?  Are you friendly or optimistic?  When you look deeper at your behavior towards others, what is your behavior saying about you?  This is the part that can be harder to deal with.

I truly believe that you are what you project.  But for some reason this gets me every time I think about it.  Not a new concept, but it seems like a fresh thought every time it comes around.  Maybe this is not news to you and/or maybe it will stick with you better than it does with me.  However, next time you are questioning your behavior or the behavior of someone else, hopefully you will remember to think about this idea.

Blood

While I do currently serve on a board and also participate in other “one-off” volunteer activities, there is something that I do every few months that takes up relatively little time and energy.  And, although I didn’t do it during pregnancy and breastfeeding, I am glad that I have started giving blood again.

I started donating blood 3 or 4 years ago, and it was a major step for me.  I used to be incredibly afraid of needles, and donating blood probably requires one of the biggest ones you will encounter.  But, I knew that if I was eligible I should do it.  I knew my donation could literally save a life.

I do a regular donation of blood every 8 weeks (you can’t do it more frequently than that).  Some people will do a “double donation”, so they can only donate every 16 weeks.  There are certain rules and restrictions to donate, and there have been times I was not able to (pregnancy, hemoglobin too low).  And, while breastfeeding did not prevent me from donating, after talking with my doctor I decided it might create issues with supply, so I did not chance it.  Overall, there may reasons that you may not be able to donate, and that is ok – I think it is at least worth checking into if you can.

For me, donating takes maybe an hour.  The discomfort is also fairly minimal, and the staff has always been great at giving me ice packs or reclining me to help me feel ok during the donation.  Then, at the end of your donation, there are free snacks and beverages!  Of course, you need to take good care of yourself before and after you donate, and drinking lots of water before and after is one of those items.  I try to drink a lot of water before I go in, and that seems to help a lot.

Whether you have donated before or not, I encourage you to check into it and/or continue to donate if and when you can.  Donating blood is a great way to give, and I love being able to help others in this way.

Paisley Park

This last month or so has been full of all kinds of experiences and events.  Sometimes, I feel like I don’t get much of a chance to reflect on anything, but here I am going to discuss a particular experience.  Recently I had the opportunity to visit Paisley Park, which is where the musician Prince lived and worked.  As most of you know, he passed away over a year ago, and now they have opened up Paisley Park as a museum.

I am not going to discuss the details of what it looked like, but I really enjoyed the tour and a peek at Prince’s personal and professional life.  As we were looking at different rooms, I was really impressed by some of his interior design.  I was even thinking that I wished I had rooms decorated like his.  Maybe Prince and I have more in common than I thought.

However, what I really started thinking about was how interesting his philosophy and creativity were.  This was a person who performed “when the spirit moved him” and seemed to go with a spiritual flow.  He was also a person who mentored and helped others – my guess is that we have no clue how much philanthropy he was instrumental in producing.  While a lot of people have heard his music and that is all they know, I find it fascinating to look deeper at this complex person.  To understand (if that is even possible) his motivations, his goals, his hopes, and his dreams and how that influenced his art – that seems to me a better way to appreciate what Prince brought to our world.  While we have his art and Paisley Park, what bums me out now is the loss of all the other things Prince would have created had he lived longer.  In all, I am so glad I had the chance to visit and learn more about Prince’s intriguing life.

Setback

As I write this, yesterday was not a very good day for me.  I am not going to go into all of the details, but there were some serious accusations made against my character, and the way it was presented to me was very hurtful and immature.  I am trying so hard to not act like a victim here, but I find it very hard to listen to “professionals” when they aren’t really living up to their titles.  I am also saddened every time I find myself involved in or hear about a situation in which adults are acting like they are children who don’t know any better.  It just seems like a no win story for everyone.

Luckily, a day has now passed, and I am trying to do the right thing.  Although it still hurts, I am trying to figure out what I can learn from what has happened.  Maybe there is some truth to what was said, and maybe I need to own up to some of it.  But, I truly believe there is some fault at both ends.  Instead of taking it so hard, I am trying to take it as just another part of life.  I can’t make everyone happy.  Not everyone is going to like me.  Does that matter?  In some ways, I probably think it does.  But, ultimately, I truly can’t please everyone, and that is ok.  I also can’t be great at everything either.  All of this is being a human.  If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be human.

I am also trying to figure out what comes next, because sitting around analyzing it is probably not a good long term plan.  Life is way too short to stick around toxic people and situations.  So, instead of just accepting it, I am looking forward.  Even today I have taken steps to move on, and I am almost excited to see how this terrible incident will turn out to ultimately be a good thing.