I have been spending the last few entries talking about my recent trip to New York City. While it was a great trip, one thing I wanted to touch on was the experience of leaving my child for an extended period of time for the first time. Until our trip, I had spent maybe two or three single nights away from my son, and those were hard in several ways, but it was only a night. To spend almost a whole week away? I wasn’t so sure I had made the right decision to make this trip happen.
I can say that the anticipation of leaving was hard, and I started getting anxious about a couple of weeks before the trip. The worst part was leaving him to go on the trip. Then, of course, most of the time we were gone I felt guilty that I was having fun without taking care of him too. It wasn’t all bad emotions, though. I was excited to be on the trip, and I knew that he was being taken care of very well. There was happy, sad, and everything else in between. Sometimes I wasn’t even sure what I felt. I certainly missed him, and I felt guilty about leaving him, but I continued to enjoy the trip.
Even though going to New York City wasn’t easy from this perspective, in some ways I felt like I had to do it. Why? Both my child and I needed to understand that others can take care of him. That it is ok for mommy to have a life and go places every once in while. That it is ok for my child to spend more time with others. It is hard, but I think these are important things to understand. It’s not fair to ask me to be someone’s entire world and vice versa, and experiences like this help to share the great fortune that we have in having a group of people who care about our child. I’m not sure how I will feel the next time I leave my child for several nights, but I’m hoping that it will get easier for everyone involved.