Let’s Talk About TED

One of the websites I have listed on my resources page is www.ted.com – this will take you to a huge number of TED talks.  Today, I wanted to explain a little bit about TED and how I find their talks to be a great way to learn and be inspired.

TED stands for technology, entertainment, and design.  TED has events each year, and there are also independent TEDx events all over the world.  There slogan is “Ideas worth spreading”, and I just love the idea of it!  TED talks are typically 20 minutes or less and can cover any topic.  I first heard about TED around 5 years ago when my local community was hosting a TEDx event.  I went to it and really enjoyed the day, thus making me a fan of TED ever since.  I really like the concept of being able to learn and be challenged and/or inspired in such a short amount of time.  People have amazing stories, research, and solutions that they are sharing with the world, and I appreciate the fact that a lot of this is free for anyone to watch.

While it can be wonderful (depending on who you ask) to sit with your thoughts and/or read about something in-depth, TED talks provide an efficient and concise way to present an idea.  This is great because most of us do not have the time or attention to give to a bunch of ideas – TED talks allow you to learn something, and if you want to explore the idea further you can pursue that after the talk.  So, I encourage everyone to head over to the TED website and pick any talk that interests you and see if or how you enjoy the talk.  If you are like me, you may start watching a ton of them and start losing track of time, but no matter what you do I hope you will find it was time well spent.

Reading

For anyone who knows me well, you know that I am an avid reader.  Honestly, there are times when I am obsessed with it – I will carry a book or my Kindle with me, and I will find every free moment to have that book out reading.  Of course, there are some books that I like more than others, and there are some that apply to the topics that I blog about.  Today I will list a few books that I have read recently and would recommend to you if you are interested.  These books are also listed on my Resources page.

1.Permission to Parent by Robin Berman – this is a great book that to me gets back to the basics of parenting.  Parents are not here to answer to a child’s every whim and be their friend, parents are here to help (in a positive and supportive way) make sure their child(ren) become self-sufficient adults (assuming no serious disabilities).  Parenting a lot of the time may mean doing some hard things, but in the end it will be worth the effort, and I appreciate that this book is out there.

2.The Nature Fix by Florence Williams – this book to me speaks to the power of nature to help heal, restore, and prevent stress and disease.  Nature may not be the ultimate cure, but the information and stories presented here make for a compelling case that nature can definitely help all of us on our journey to or maintenance of health and wellness.

3.Miracle Mindset by JJ Virgin – this book includes a miraculous story and the lessons that came with it.  I won’t share those lessons, but I think this is a great book for a caregiver of someone with mental illness.  Although you may not describe your situation as a miracle, there are lessons in the book that I think can really apply to any difficult situation that you may be facing.

Of course, I understand that it may be hard to find the time to read or maybe you are not all that into reading.  That’s fine.  Perhaps you can get an audio version or at the very least go to the author’s website to possibly get an idea of the major themes.  Whatever works for you is what is important.  Regardless, knowledge can be helpful, and I hope these recommendations might help in some way.

Advocacy

Awhile ago I attended a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Smarts for Advocacy class.  In this class you learn tips and tools for sharing your story and effective ways to write, call, or talk with your policymakers.  Although my brain was definitely tired by the end of it, I was very appreciative to have the information.  I also imagine a lot of people (including me) can get a lot of benefit from the workshop.

To be honest, I have not been much on the advocacy side of things since my dad passed away.  I have always complained and criticized the system that he had to navigate through, but criticizing and complaining doesn’t usually get you very far.  While it definitely stretches my comfort zone and my interest, lately I have been feeling the nudge to advocate more for mental health.  Instead of resisting it, I am exploring what that means for me and what I can do.

Although this nudge to action is very personal, I think part of it is from an overall sense of increased civic engagement in our country.  Our political climate right now is uneasy at best.  People are protesting and getting involved everywhere, and although it isn’t always pretty, I am inspired by the peaceful civic action that has been spreading.  There are so many issues out there, so many things that need improvement.  I am glad to see people getting out there and fighting for what they believe is right, and I hope that for many mental health is at the top of the list.

Although the definition of advocacy can be pretty broad, I feel like I am just starting my advocacy journey.  While I am interested in many issues, my work will start with focusing on and improving mental health for all.  I sent my first email to one of my state lawmakers in February and plan to visit the state legislature.  I don’t know what all will happen from here, but at least I am following the nudge to move forward and help improve what we currently have.  It may not be easy for me, but I know there is meaning in trying to constructively change the mental health landscape.

Rain

It is early morning again, and everyone else in the house is still asleep.  It is quiet and peaceful, and my morning just got even better – I can hear it raining on the roof.  Ah, I love the sound of a gentle rain and some rolling thunder in the background – it makes me want to go back to bed because I feel like I can sleep so well when this is happening.  I won’t go back to bed, but my stress level about everything I need to get done today has went down just because I enjoy this experience.  I like to think of it as a type of meditation.

This also has me thinking about common experiences that can be used as a way to relax and find some peace, which can be hard to do in this frantic and fast-paced world.  I can think of others that I really enjoy when I take the time to do so, and they are all free.  Looking at the stars, the sounds of a summer night, the smell of the earth after it rains just a little, the beautiful green of late spring, big puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky, lightning bugs in the early summer, and trees with orange leaves in the fall are some examples in my part of the world.  How about where you live?  What things that you sense help you to pause and enjoy the moment?  Can you begin to purposely seek those out?

As you may have noticed, everything I have talked about so far in this post has been about nature, but there are other things that can bring some moments of joy and peace.  For me, that includes hearing a child laugh, laughter in general, and a kind word or compliment from someone.  Again, as far as I know, these are all experiences that don’t have to cost money.  What non-nature things can help you to enjoy the moment?  Again, can you begin to seek those out?  I hope this post gives you some ideas on little ways to create more joy and calm into your life.

Rules

I will be the first to admit that I am a recovering “we must follow all the rules to a T” lady.  Rules are meant to be followed, right?  And so, for most of my life, that is what I have done.  In school, in work, and in life, I have been that person.

That is, until I lost my dad and everything I thought about the world was challenged.

Now, I understand that rules do have a place and a purpose, but what about some of the rules that create detrimental inflexibility and rigidness?  That is what concerns me today.  It seems there are a lot of people who are so worried about “following the rules” that they are missing the bigger picture.   What if the rules are outdated?  What if there are other ways (that aren’t illegal or hurt someone) to do something that are still beneficial but technically “break” the established rules?  What if the current rules keep us from helping more people or people who are different from us?

We need to challenge how we think about rules.  We need to be more open-minded.

I also need to remind myself of this time and time again.

The world is not typically an all or nothing proposition – it is a continuum of varied experiences and insights, and we should all work towards making sure the “rules” to help others truly do so.  My hope is that we all begin to question and challenge things that “must” be done in particular ways to help others, as we may be missing the opportunity to help many more people.

Yuck

*Note: This was written at an earlier date

Yesterday was a bad day.  Both my husband and I were up in the middle of the previous night with stomach issues, and we were both nauseous and achy and tired.  I later found out that my mom had it too.  Luckily, our little one seemed fine, but when we thought about it, we remembered that he had been sick just briefly a few days before, so we suspected we had all gotten it from him.

So, here we were on a weekend day – our son seemed healthy, which again, was a good thing.  However, we had no daycare to take him to, and our main babysitter was sick too.  In addition, it would have been wrong to ask someone else for help since I was pretty sure whatever we had was contagious.  We faced a whole day of having to stick it out watching our little one when both of us felt that we didn’t have the energy or strength to do so.  It was one of the hardest days of my life thus far.

I realize this scenario happens all of the time.  And, I realize that for a lot of people this is nothing compared to days that they have had to face.  But for me, it was so tough.  I was definitely in survival mode – I was taking it one bottle and one diaper at a time.  I was also trying to focus only on keeping him safe.  He might not have been wonderfully entertained all day, but he was safe.  At the end of the day, right before I went to sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about how horrible of a mother I must have been during the day – I was impatient, lethargic, and not all that cheery – and that wasn’t the end of the list.  I thought I did the best I could, but it was still terrible!  I knew that physically I felt awful, but I didn’t realize how psychologically awful I would feel too.

I woke up this morning after about 10 hours of sleep and so far I am physically feeling much better.  I am looking back on yesterday still with some of the same misgivings that I had last night.  What I know, though, is that this may have been one of my first tough days as a parent, but it will not be my last.  I need to give myself some grace and forgiveness for those days when I am not my best, because they happen.  I also need to give myself some credit for what did happen.  While essentially we just met his basic needs, we did keep our son fed, changed, and safe.  He also had plenty of toys to play with during the day.  I’m sure he is feeling way better about yesterday than I am.  I did the best I could with what I had, and some days that is simply enough.

Shifting

This morning I am having some interesting feelings.  I feel like things, although honestly pretty darn good for me overall, are going to get even better.  I have a lot of hope for the future, and I am excited to make it happen.  I can’t explain why I feel this way, but I am not going to analyze it…well, too much.

I do think that one of the reasons I am feeling so hopeful is because I am getting the chance to explore many topics that I am passionate about.  Somehow, between work, parenting, volunteering, and other relationships, I am finding the time to work in some reading, audio, and video on topics such as integrative psychiatry, the effects of nature on health, and faith.  I am also practicing good self-care by exercising and meditating, among other things.

Of course, someone may look at what I just wrote as awful.  Who would be interested in integrative psychiatry?  Who cares about meditation?  I understand – what is interesting to me may not even be close to anyone else.  The point, however, is that if you can make some time to explore your passions, you may find yourself with the ability to just “be”, and that can open up your mind.  And, I find that when my mind is more open, a greater hope can emerge.

It can be hard to carve out the time to pursue your personal explorations, and if you think you can’t add one more thing to your day, is there a way to fit it into what you are already doing?  Can you listen to something in your car or use earphones when you take different transportation or walk?  Can you have a book with you for times when you are waiting in line or somewhere else?  Can you take a few moments when you get up or before you go to bed to ease into the day or night with something that you want explore?  My hope is that you can find a way to start exploring your passions and interests if you haven’t already.

Running Behind

I have been up for less than 15 minutes, and I already feel like I am “running behind”.  I see before me a day of meetings, chores, and tasks, and I wonder if I will have enough time to get it all done.  Bummer.  I am guessing this is a feeling that is not new to almost everyone, and I have blogged about it before.

Even though my to-do list is long today, I am already strategizing about what the priorities are:  obviously, I need to take care of my child.  If you are a caregiver to someone, chances are that taking care of them is a priority for you too.  But I am also thinking about how I can fit in some meditation, exercise, and time to read my devotional.  In addition, I am wondering about how I can make the meetings, chores, and tasks more fun.  Can I listen to some music I like while doing those things?  Can I be surrounded by pictures of things that inspire me?  Are there smells or textures that make for a more calming environment for me?

Of course, if your day is already busy, it can be hard to take the time to think of ways to take care of yourself and/or make what you have to do seem a little more pleasant.  I encourage you to think about these things when you are not so busy, and then develop a plan that is ready to go when the busy days show up.  This also does not have to be a rigid plan, but something that has some options for those busy days that seem to be inevitable.  While my primary wish here is no overwhelming days for anyone, my secondary (and more realistic) wish is to make the best of whatever a “regular” day throws at you.

Frustration

This has been a tough week so far – work has been demanding and frustrating in many ways, I’m sick for the umpteenth time since my son was born, and my son had an accident at daycare yesterday that gave him quite the bruise near his eye.  To top that off, I couldn’t get my beloved Kindle to work this morning so I could read on the stationary bicycle – ok, that isn’t so serious, but my Kindle and I have been good friends for many years.

I would assume that most of the time I would not be reacting well to this week, but I seem less bothered by it all for some reason.  Why?  I think it might be a couple of things – first, I started meditating again within the last week after getting out of the habit for awhile.  I am also trying to throw in some more gratitude too.  Work will get better and resolutions will be obtained.  I will feel better soon.  My son’s bruise will get better and I am so thankful it didn’t involve more of his eye.  Heck, the Kindle is already working again.  There is a silver lining to this week.

While dealing with mental illness can be way more serious than the issues I have described above, the ways of coping with the frustrations can be similar.  Is it possible to change how you react to the situation?  Can you find something to be grateful for among the issues being faced?  Is there something like meditation, massage, yoga, etc. that you can use to recharge and help you deal with whatever comes your way?  I’ve talked about some of these before, but there are also many that I have not discussed.  I challenge you to take some time today to think about ways that can improve how you deal with the frustrations in your life, and this can benefit anyone you are taking care of as well.

So, That Just Happened…

Well, this morning I had planned to write a piece about being a suicide survivor, and I will plan to do that in the future, but I just had an interesting experience I want to share.

It’s a little after 6 a.m., and I just finished my morning workout.  I grabbed my laptop from upstairs and came back downstairs to write my blog entry for today.  Since yesterday I have had an idea of what I wanted to write about, and I was afraid it wasn’t going to be all that upbeat.  Not that it had to be, but I do like to be positive when I can.

I had barely sat down, when all of the sudden I hear a rooster crowing and a “Rise and Shine!” – this immediately gets my attention, and I start hearing other noises.  I figure out that it is coming from one of my son’s new toys that he got from my brother’s family over the weekend for Christmas.  For some reason, it seems to be making sounds from the toy on its own!  Needless to say, in the silence of the morning I was a little spooked.  I noticed that the sound for the toy was turned on, so I did turn it off and the noises stopped.  I have no idea if the sound had been turned off before we went to bed last night or not.

Now, I’m sitting here trying to think of a rational reason as to why that happened – if the toy is left on, is there some internal clock that has it make noise every so often?  Did I bump the toy or make enough movement that the sound came on?  There might be other explanations, but none of these seem all that likely to me right now.

I decided right away that even if there was a great explanation, I didn’t have it.  To me, I think this was a sign from my dad.  It seems just like him to start out with me hearing a rooster crowing and a “Rise and Shine!” from this toy.  I can see him laughing at my confusion, and it is funny.  I also think he sensed some of the heaviness in my heart this morning and thought I could use a laugh.

You may read this and think I am off the wall.  That’s ok.  You weren’t here to have the experience.  It doesn’t really matter, though, because even though it was weird I am getting some comfort out of the experience.  I am already looking at my day in a better mood, too, and there’s no harm in that.  Thanks Dad – I will always love you no matter where you are.