Board Meeting

I volunteered and was elected to be a on a state board this year.  The board is all about mental health and includes initiatives such as education, advocacy, and reducing stigma.  I am really excited about starting my work on this board – so far, I have prepped for this meeting and I have even read a book about board membership that the group gave to all new board members.  I am really hoping that I can contribute to this board and that we can make some noticeable progress at the state level.

Of course, if you have been reading my blog, you somewhat understand my journey to being on this board.  It wouldn’t have been my top choice years ago, but now it is something I feel that I have to work on due to my family history.  My top concern is that others do not have to suffer in the ways that my family (both those who were ill and the caregivers) suffered.  We have to strive to do better and to take better care of each other.

Obviously this board will have to get into more specific details, but I like to dream about what the world would look like if I had my way regarding mental health.  Ideally, there would be no mental illness, or any illness at all, however at this point that seems like a long range goal – but something we should work towards.  Before we get to that day, I dream of a world where there is zero stigma surrounding mental illness.  Mental illness would be something that is talked about and treated like any other disease or disorder and the fear surrounding it would be gone.  I like to tell people that we should think of mental illness like we think about cancer – it is serious, treatment can be hard, and it can be deadly.  Why can’t we show the care and compassion for mental illness that we do for cancer?  That would be a huge step.  In this dream world of mine everyone would understand the complexities of mental illness and understand the importance of finding cures.

Of course, now that I have dreamed about the big picture, it’s time to get to work making all of the small changes that will add up to the big ones.  If you have any thoughts or ideas, both big and small, of what a board, a group, or an individual can do to improve the status of mental illness please share it with me.  We can each contribute and help, but we can’t do it all on our own.

Change of Plans

*Note: This was written at an earlier date

I have been looking forward to this day for weeks.  A paid holiday from work for me, and yet everyone in my family has a regular day.  A free day for me to do whatever I want!  I have had some plans in the back of my mind, but I didn’t make any solid commitments for the day.  I was thinking I will just “go with the flow”.

Now, I suppose I am glad I went with that sentiment, because we are in the middle of an ice storm.  I may not have to work today, but I am assuming that everyone else’s regular day will not be so regular.  I’m thinking it will not be the free day I was hoping for.  And, to be honest, I am a little bummed.

I assume this happens to everyone.  You make plans, or at least you think you have an idea of how something is going to happen, and then it doesn’t or something comes up that might not be as fun or enjoyable.  The weather is bad.  A family situation comes up.  Your loved one with mental illness has an unexpected bad day.  Also, to note, I am talking about somewhat regular events here – I am not discussing major life events like a death in the family or something traumatic.  Although every situation is different, it can be very disappointing to have things not go in your planned direction.

So, how do you cope?  We’ve all had to do it already, but is there a “best” way to deal with the disappointment?

Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that.  Everyone has different ways of dealing with a change of plans, and it can depend on the situation.  My example today is pretty simple – I probably won’t have my free day – I will spend it with my family, but in turn I will be helping to keep them safe from being out in icy, dangerous weather.

So, maybe what you or I have to do is straightforward, but perhaps what can be changed is how we react to it.  Easier said than done, again.  Depending on what you believe, you might think there are positive reasons why this happened.  Or, perhaps you can bring up some gratitude on what is going well instead.  While you may not be able to change the situation, you can change or control how you react to it, and hopefully you can find positive ways to do so.  The next time something in your day doesn’t go as planned, I encourage you to react to it in the most positive way that you can.

Sick Week

My last post was about a detox.  Now, today, I am sitting here and I have not felt good most of the last week.  A few days ago my head hurt.  The day before yesterday my stomach felt weird.  Yesterday and today I have a runny nose and congestion.  Darn.  Is it related to the detox?  I’m not sure, but I doubt it.  I think I am just in another round of some illness, which has been very common for me since I had my son.  Of course, it is not his fault, but I have noticed that after having him I have been sicker than usual.  My theory is that I have given him my immunity and lost mine, but of course that is probably pretty silly to think.

It seems that no matter what week it happens, illness strikes when there is a lot to do.  This week is no different.  But, like my previous blog on rest, I know it is way better to adapt and go with it instead of fight it.  For me, that means resting more and not worrying as much about getting things done.  Yes, there are essential things that have to happen – the baby needs care, I need to care for myself, etc., but to me illness is a way to tell your body to slow down and take it easy.  So, I am doing the best I can to slow down.

How about you?  Do you slow down when you are sick, or do you try to power through?  If you power through, do you end up feeling worse?  If you don’t already practice this, I encourage you to think about taking it easy next time you are sick.  For me, I’ve found that almost everything can wait for me to feel better, and hopefully you can do this as well.  It might also be a time to get help from a family member, friend, or other resource if you are not feeling well.  This can be very important because it can be hard to care for anyone else if you are not cared for when you need it.

Detox

Today I am planning to start a one week “detox”.  What exactly am I talking about here?

“Detox” can mean a lot of things to a lot of people.  In a broad sense, I believe that a detox is like a reset or a recharge.  For example, I am resetting what I eat by doing a week of fairly clean eating – no soy, no dairy, no added sugars, etc.  I am also cutting out exercise this week, which I think will be fairly easy to do!

Another example is that I have heard of people going on a technology detox, where they do not use their computers, smartphones, or TVs for a certain period of time.  As you can see, there are many different types of ways to “detox”.  Have you done anything like this before?  How did it go for you?

While starting a detox can be hard, I have found that they can be a great way to jump start a goal you are working towards.  Of course, if you are doing something that involves your health, like changing up your diet or exercise, you will want to check with your doctor first.  As you can imagine, there are a huge variety of “detoxes” out there, and some of them are not very good for you, so getting a professional’s approval is important.

If you have the time and are willing to do so, I challenge you to consider whether any type of detox would be a beneficial way to change something up in your life.

Organization

My last entry was on resolutions and themes, and if you set any, I am guessing that some of you included “getting organized” as one of them.  This one is always a challenge to me.

While I would like to think that I enjoy organization and the perception of control it brings, when I really think about it, I dread it.  It seems like a lot of work.  It really isn’t that enjoyable for me to do.  Admittedly, I love the feeling I get when I am done, but it doesn’t last long, and soon enough I am feeling “disorganized” again.  And, within the last year, there is a new challenge – my little one.  Not that my little one is that messy (yet), but it’s really hard to spend time organizing when he is way more fun to take care of and entertain.  So, how do I stay even remotely in the ballpark of organized (well, at least in my terms)?

Before I had my son, I would do a massive organizational stint in January.  Every weekend was focused on different rooms of the house, and a lot of purging, filing, and donating went on.  I figured, January is my least favorite month anyway, so I might as well focus on getting the house in some degree of order.  And what a long, frustrating month it was.

This year, I am trying something new.  I am doing this partly because I don’t have the motivation to do it all at once and partly because my son isn’t going to give me whole days to devote to organizing.  Every month, I have decided that we will only focus on a room or two.  We have the whole month to get the targeted areas up to date.  This rolling focus means that everything will have been addressed by the end of the year.  And, if all goes well, we will do this every year.  I am already breathing a sigh of relief knowing that I am setting it up to be a constant work in progress with incremental steps along the way.

How about you?  Do you have a routine or process that needs a change up?  How could you do it differently?  Would this change be helpful in your opinion?  I hope you can make the time to think about it if it sparks your interest.

Resolutions

Did you make any resolutions at the beginning of the year?  If so, how are they going?

If they are going well, congratulations!  I am happy for your progress.

If they are not going well, do you know why that is so?  There’s nothing wrong with you or your answers here.  Most of us realize that life does not always go according to plan.  There are twists and turns along the way, and that may be contributing to a lack of progress towards resolutions.

Maybe you didn’t make any resolutions at all, which can be downright liberating in and of itself.

If your resolutions have not gone well so far this year or if you didn’t make any, perhaps you might consider changing things up and giving your year a theme.  What exactly does that mean?  That’s the beauty of it – you can define it in any way you want!  For example, for 2017, I have decided that for me, this is the year of “creation”.  What does that mean to me?  For starters, it is very broad.  It includes creating time for family and friends, creating value at work, and creating blog entries, among many other things.  I am also working to create different forms of art and writing, such as drawing and poetry.  In my mind, the possibilities for this theme are endless, and there are so many activities that can be applied to it.

Of course, some of you may look at my theme and think it is way too overwhelming.  Themes can be as specific or open as you like.  Regardless of what sounds right for you, I challenge you to consider having a theme for the year.  And, you don’t have to declare it right at the beginning of the year – you can start your theme at any time.  Enjoy considering this possibility!

Get Out of Here

Getting out of town.  Getting away from it all.  Most people find some comfort in having a change in scenery every once in awhile, and travel for fun can have many benefits.

I am a huge fan of recreational travel.  I wouldn’t necessarily want to do it all of the time, but I am constantly thinking about where our next trip will be.  Travel does so much in my opinion.  First of all, I look at travel as an educational experience – new places, new people, new sounds, new cultures – it really broadens your mind and experience.  Next, it allows you to spend quality time with yourself or others.  Also, it can give you the recharge and renewal you need when you do go back home.  There are numerous other benefits, but I think most of us find travel to be a rewarding experience.

I’ve made travel sound easy and fun, but how do you do it when caring for someone with a mental illness?  Here are some things to consider and question.  Travel doesn’t have to mean far away or gone for many days.  Is there somewhere locally you can visit for even a few hours?  Is there a town nearby that you can explore?  Can you take a long weekend?  While you do these activities, are there trusted friends, family, or respite services that you can use to help give you a break?  Would the person you care for and you both benefit from traveling together?  Even if these ideas sound impossible right now, what about traveling virtually on the computer?  There are a lot of places that have live cameras or websites that show things you can see if you are actually there.  Reading can also mentally take you to places as well.  Although you may feel like a big vacation is not possible, what are some steps you can take to eventually make that happen?   If you give yourself even a little bit of time to consider it, I hope you will see there are ways to get the benefits of traveling no matter what is going on in your world.

Control

Most pharmacists I believe are control freaks, and I am no exception.  I want to plan and coordinate and make sure everything goes the way I expect it to.  Hilarious stuff, I know.  Throw in having a child and it becomes even funnier.  What’s worse is I’m someone who thinks they can control external events but doesn’t usually think about what I actually can control.  But, I am trying to work on really thinking it through.

There are so many things in this world I can’t control – the weather, illness, what other people say and do, and so on.  I have to let it go, because if I think I can control any of it, I am going to be disappointed so many times that I might start to get depressed.  How can I let it go?  For me, that can include praying or meditating.  For you, that may mean some other type of spiritual exercise or activity.  Also, this is not a “one and done” practice.  This is a constant work in progress for me.

Once I work through the things I can’t control, I am trying to focus on what I can.  I can control how I react to life.  I can control how I spend my time.  I can control how I spend my money.  A lot of the time, I catch myself just drifting along in my own life, when I could be making deliberate choices about me and exerting the control I so desperately want to use on everything else!  Ah, the insights you discover when you keep pushing to learn about yourself and your world.

If “regular life” wasn’t enough, control can take on a whole new meaning when caring with someone with mental illness.  It can feel like you have no control over anything in this scenario, but perhaps thinking about what to let go and what YOU can control will help.  Most of the time, this is not an easy road, and it may feel like there isn’t even the time to think about it.  However, taking a moment to process your thoughts on control might really help your perspective.  This in turn can help you be a better caregiver.  I encourage you to give it a try if you can.

Rest

Last night I did not feel good – as the evening went on I started aching all over and had chills so bad I was shivering.  I was able to breastfeed my son before bed, but after that I just collapsed.  And, instead of setting my alarm for the usual time, I set it for 90 minutes later.  Typically, I get up early, before anyone else, so I can exercise, blog, and take some time to myself.  As much as I love some “me” time, I chose to give that up this morning because I knew that rest would be the better option.

I have learned over the years that skipping sleep, especially when you are not feeling well, is a step on the road to disaster.  For me, my body will make me pay until I finally submit and get some extra rest.  In fact, it’s always amazing to me that my body seems to be very good at making me slow down when it needs to recharge and regroup.  Fighting my body is futile.  So, instead of waiting until my tank is running on empty, I am trying to be more proactive about getting some rest and slowing down.  And, while I hate thinking that I am not getting things done so I can rest, I know that in the long run I will be better off for doing so.

How about you?  Even when you know you need the rest, do you try to power through because there is too much to do?  Do you make the conscious decision to rest, or do you wait until you are really sick?  I encourage everyone to listen more to your body and give yourself the rest it needs.  Easier said than done I know, but I know I am way better this morning than I would have been without the extra 90 minutes of rest.  Make sure you are giving yourself the space to have some down time, and you may find that you can actually be more productive including it in your life.

Caring for the Caregiver

If you have been reading my blog, you know that recently I announced that I would be focusing my services on caregivers of those who are mentally ill.  No matter what the situation, caregiving can be tough stuff, but I think that caring for those with mental illness can have some very specific challenges.

It can be hard to care for someone who physically looks ok – you don’t see any broken bones or wounds, and they may interact with the world in what would be considered a “normal” way.  But, over time, you learn that there are wounds and scars, you just don’t physically see them.  It can be so hard to empathize with them, however.  “It’s all in his or her head.”  “Why can’t they just snap out of it?”  “He or she needs to stop pretending something is wrong.”  “They just want attention.”  These are all things I admit to saying about someone I love that has suffered from a mental illness, and there is guilt now from ever believing those things.

There are other factors, but caregiving for the mentally ill can be physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually draining.  It can take away time to meet with friends, exercise, go to church, or many other activities that are important to you.  It can frustrate you, make you cry, and make you angry.

My hope is that you can begin to look at your caregiving situation and see what you are missing that you really enjoy.  Once you know that, it is time to start thinking about what is most important to you and how you can fit that into your life.  That can certainly be hard to do, but you are already doing some hard stuff.  Although you may doubt yourself, you are doing the best you can to take care of someone else.  How do you turn that around and do your best to take care of yourself?