Control

Most pharmacists I believe are control freaks, and I am no exception.  I want to plan and coordinate and make sure everything goes the way I expect it to.  Hilarious stuff, I know.  Throw in having a child and it becomes even funnier.  What’s worse is I’m someone who thinks they can control external events but doesn’t usually think about what I actually can control.  But, I am trying to work on really thinking it through.

There are so many things in this world I can’t control – the weather, illness, what other people say and do, and so on.  I have to let it go, because if I think I can control any of it, I am going to be disappointed so many times that I might start to get depressed.  How can I let it go?  For me, that can include praying or meditating.  For you, that may mean some other type of spiritual exercise or activity.  Also, this is not a “one and done” practice.  This is a constant work in progress for me.

Once I work through the things I can’t control, I am trying to focus on what I can.  I can control how I react to life.  I can control how I spend my time.  I can control how I spend my money.  A lot of the time, I catch myself just drifting along in my own life, when I could be making deliberate choices about me and exerting the control I so desperately want to use on everything else!  Ah, the insights you discover when you keep pushing to learn about yourself and your world.

If “regular life” wasn’t enough, control can take on a whole new meaning when caring with someone with mental illness.  It can feel like you have no control over anything in this scenario, but perhaps thinking about what to let go and what YOU can control will help.  Most of the time, this is not an easy road, and it may feel like there isn’t even the time to think about it.  However, taking a moment to process your thoughts on control might really help your perspective.  This in turn can help you be a better caregiver.  I encourage you to give it a try if you can.

Rest

Last night I did not feel good – as the evening went on I started aching all over and had chills so bad I was shivering.  I was able to breastfeed my son before bed, but after that I just collapsed.  And, instead of setting my alarm for the usual time, I set it for 90 minutes later.  Typically, I get up early, before anyone else, so I can exercise, blog, and take some time to myself.  As much as I love some “me” time, I chose to give that up this morning because I knew that rest would be the better option.

I have learned over the years that skipping sleep, especially when you are not feeling well, is a step on the road to disaster.  For me, my body will make me pay until I finally submit and get some extra rest.  In fact, it’s always amazing to me that my body seems to be very good at making me slow down when it needs to recharge and regroup.  Fighting my body is futile.  So, instead of waiting until my tank is running on empty, I am trying to be more proactive about getting some rest and slowing down.  And, while I hate thinking that I am not getting things done so I can rest, I know that in the long run I will be better off for doing so.

How about you?  Even when you know you need the rest, do you try to power through because there is too much to do?  Do you make the conscious decision to rest, or do you wait until you are really sick?  I encourage everyone to listen more to your body and give yourself the rest it needs.  Easier said than done I know, but I know I am way better this morning than I would have been without the extra 90 minutes of rest.  Make sure you are giving yourself the space to have some down time, and you may find that you can actually be more productive including it in your life.

Caring for the Caregiver

If you have been reading my blog, you know that recently I announced that I would be focusing my services on caregivers of those who are mentally ill.  No matter what the situation, caregiving can be tough stuff, but I think that caring for those with mental illness can have some very specific challenges.

It can be hard to care for someone who physically looks ok – you don’t see any broken bones or wounds, and they may interact with the world in what would be considered a “normal” way.  But, over time, you learn that there are wounds and scars, you just don’t physically see them.  It can be so hard to empathize with them, however.  “It’s all in his or her head.”  “Why can’t they just snap out of it?”  “He or she needs to stop pretending something is wrong.”  “They just want attention.”  These are all things I admit to saying about someone I love that has suffered from a mental illness, and there is guilt now from ever believing those things.

There are other factors, but caregiving for the mentally ill can be physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually draining.  It can take away time to meet with friends, exercise, go to church, or many other activities that are important to you.  It can frustrate you, make you cry, and make you angry.

My hope is that you can begin to look at your caregiving situation and see what you are missing that you really enjoy.  Once you know that, it is time to start thinking about what is most important to you and how you can fit that into your life.  That can certainly be hard to do, but you are already doing some hard stuff.  Although you may doubt yourself, you are doing the best you can to take care of someone else.  How do you turn that around and do your best to take care of yourself?

Background

While I may have hinted at my experiences with mental health, I am not sure if I have shared much of my story.  I would like to do that today.  I plan to keep it concise, but understand that I could spend a lot of time talking about all of the details.

To get it out there right away – I have lost 3 family members to suicide.  The first was my older cousin Craig, who died in March of 2011.  His son Aaron, also my cousin, died in March of 2014.  These losses were painful, but the one that hit me the hardest was my dad, Dan, who died on July 27, 2012.  It was my mom’s 58th birthday.

There is so much to say about each one of these men.  I will focus on my dad, though, because he is the one I knew the best.  No matter when it happens, suicide is a shock to the system.  My dad had fought several rounds of depression before this, and we knew it could happen, but we never truly believed it would.

My dad had his first round of depression the summer of 2000, which was between high school and college for me.  He was able to get better and go back to work and life.  His second round was early 2011 after a bladder surgery – again, he got better, but unfortunately this time he had no job to go back to.  He seemed ok with it, but he didn’t have much free time until he was depressed again in the spring of 2012.  July of 2012 was awful for us – he had a small stroke at the beginning of the month, and things just got worse from there.

In hindsight, I think he died because of a recent change of medications.  When you are very depressed you can have suicidal thoughts, but you might not be able to act on them.  When you start to take a medication and it works, you can still have the suicidal thoughts and then also have the momentum to carry them through.  As a pharmacist, I knew this was a possibility, and you will find warnings on drugs that discuss this.  I felt major guilt after he died because I didn’t use my education to see this coming.  Of course, that is silly to think I was responsible, but that is just one of the many things I have dealt with.

Based on this brief background, I feel that I know what it is like to live around mental illness.  There are so many challenges and issues and things you never wanted to think about.  It is a tough road, but it can get better.  There is always hope.  And, even though the 3 men here are gone, they are remembered and honored for being a part of our lives.

I share all of this not for your sympathy, but to convey that it can indeed happen to you or someone you care about.  My guess is that most people know someone with some type of mental illness.  Sadly, mental illness is everywhere, but the more we talk about it the more things will hopefully change for the better.  I hope that this is the beginning of sharing some great insights about mental illness and helping the caregivers of those with mental illness.  I look forward to our journey together.

Changing Focus

Every once in awhile, and I assume like most others, I get a flash of inspiration.  This weekend, I had one of them that will change the focus of what I am doing with my blog and my business.  Currently, I am open to working on health and wellness with anyone, and that doesn’t have to change.  However, I would like to start focusing on health and wellness for a particular group of individuals – those that care for people with mental illness.

Although I have not personally struggled with mental illness, it has been in my family for many years.  I understand the challenges and stress that can come with these illnesses.  I’ve been there.  And, although I imagine that having a mental illness is awful, I also know that caregivers of those with mental illness need to be taken care of as well.  I firmly believe that you can’t take care of someone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.  And, taking care of yourself means working on your personal health and wellness.

So, today I am letting the world know – if you are a caregiver for someone with a mental illness, I want to help make sure that you are taking care of your health and wellness.  I want you to be at your best so you can take care of those that need you.  Despite the challenges of caregiving, I believe there are ways to fit in self care, and I am interested in helping you on your journey.

Everyday Creations

As a pharmacist, I don’t think much about myself as an artist.  I spend most of my days on the left side of my brain – analyzing, calculating, and supporting my decisions and actions.  I do enjoy art and appreciate the beauty and feelings it can invoke, but I do not feel like a very creative person.

I have a feeling that a lot of us would describe ourselves like I have.  “I’m not creative” is something I seem to hear all of the time.

But, what if we started to think of all of us as artists?  I was challenged by this question several years ago, and from then on I try to look at every human being as an artist.  After all, aren’t we all creating something during our days?

It all comes down to how you define art.  Obviously, this view casts a wide net, but every day I am creating something – currently, I am creating a food source for my son, I am creating a home life for my family, and I am creating value to my pharmacy team by working on projects and assignments.  This list doesn’t include everything, but I think I’ve illustrated what I mean.

So, what are you creating today?  What are creating in your life overall?  What is your art?  I hope these questions help you to look at your life as a canvas and you as the painter.

Love It, Hate It

Ah, exercise.  One of the things I love to hate.   Honestly, I don’t enjoy carving out the time for some daily exercise, especially now with a little one in the house.  Also, typically I get up early to exercise, and I am not a morning person.  Some mornings it takes a ton of resolve to get out of bed, but most of the time I make it happen (with some exceptions, like sick days), because the benefits always seem to outweigh me staying in bed.

Most of us know that exercise has many overall benefits – it can help with mood and concentration, improve physical health, and reduce stress, among others.  And, while I reap those benefits too, some of the biggest benefits for me are the things I tell myself after I exercise.  The biggest one, and why I exercise in the morning a lot, is that all day long I can feel good about getting it done.  Yay for me – I made a healthy decision and took the time to get it done before I made any excuses not to do so.  I also tell myself that I am setting a good example for those in my life.  Of course, no one is watching me exercise that early in the morning, but I can share what I am doing and that can be a positive influence on them.

So, I make exercise a priority in my day.  It’s not always easy, but most things that are worth doing involve some effort.  And this is a love/hate relationship that I am willing to continue.

Focusing on the Individual

As someone with a pharmacy background and a love for learning, I spend a lot of time reading, watching or listening to videos or webinars, and generally trying to soak up as much information as I can.  A lot of that information is related to health and wellness, and, like just about any subject, there is a lot of information out there.  Not only is there a huge volume but it can also conflict.  How do I know what is right?  What data should I go by?  What information will help me?  What information will help you?

The simple answer: it depends.  So frustrating to hear, but so true.  Because a general theme that seems to apply to health and wellness is that there is no one size fits all.  Everyone is different – even at this moment, the chemical make up in your body, including any food, medicine, hormones, minerals, vitamins, etc. is different from anyone else.  Of course, there are some principles that seem to apply well to everyone – an example is that eating a variety of vegetables seems to be a good recommendation.  But excluding those exceptions, any kind of interventions or treatments should be individualized, and I think a lot of people understand and desire that.  What works for you may not work for me.

While individualized intervention can sound appealing, it can be frustrating too.  I can think of diets or medications that are meant to be used on a wide population, but it won’t work for everyone.  Sometimes individualized plans can come with a lot of trial and error, and that can be hard when you are trying to feel better, lose weight, etc.  As with most things in life, there are pros and cons to a lot of what we do.  In the end, however, I think in our journeys of health and wellness we need to encourage an individualized approach.  This is a path that we continue to see, and I hope it results in more wellness for all.

It’s Not All in Your Head

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing new to contribute to the subject of mental illness.  In this era of highly publicized shootings, it seems to pop up quite a bit of the time, but what do people really know about mental health?

I could throw in facts and figures, but in general, mental health issues affect all of us in some way.  A lot of mental health problems can be found in our prisons and in those with substance abuse disorders.  A lot of homeless people struggle as well.  Unfortunately, the stigma of mental illness is still alive and well today even though there seems to be more conversation around it.

I feel like I have to add to the discussion on mental health for a couple of reasons.  First, the more we talk about it the more people (hopefully) learn, and that can help to ease the stigma.  I personally feel that a lot of the stigma comes from a fear of not knowing.  My additional hope is that people begin to think of mental illness like a physical illness, treating it like something similar to cancer or another chronic physical condition.  Mental illness is not “all in your head”, it is a real disease with potentially life or death consequences.

I also can add personal stories.  I have lost two cousins and my dad to suicide.  Depression and/or substance abuse contributed to these losses.  I share this not because I want sympathy.  I share it because I want people to know that it can happen to you or someone you love or care about.  The story that I share unfortunately happens every day, and we need to work together to stop its spread and progression.

So, how about you?  How are you affected by mental illness?  Can you learn more about it?  Can you share your knowledge and story with others?  I hope you will join me in the conversation to end the stigma of mental illness and work towards better treatment and prevention for all.

When the Going Gets Tough

As I write this, the 2016 presidential election is over.  I’m not much into politics, but even I’ll admit that at the end I was sucked into some of the drama.  What a frenzy.

This is not meant to be a political blog, but I will say that I am in the half of the country that is disappointed with the result.  I could go on and on about the implications and how I feel, but I think the bigger point I want to make is how to process the results and move on.

Again, for half of the country, this is not what we expected.  This was a shock and a loss.  So, I encourage us to respectfully acknowledge our feelings and do the grieving and processing that is necessary.  This will be different for everyone and may take some time.  This also includes being respectful of those in the other half who see this as a victory.  Give them the space to process their feelings as well.  I think the first step is to reflect and find the meaning that will help you move forward.  By the time I post this blog, this is a step that might already be finished for you.  If not, be sure to give yourself the grace to pause and reflect.

Then, move forward.  Did this make you sad?  Angry?  If so, what are you going to do about it?  No matter how you feel, how can you put that energy into positive action?  How can you be more involved in your local, state, or national communities to fight for the changes that are important to you?  Don’t get me wrong, I am still grieving – I think this is going to take awhile for me to wrap my head around what happened.  But, I am already thinking about ways I can help better the world.  The election of a president you strongly dislike does not mean the end of anything – it means the beginning of having to fight harder to counter balance any of the initiatives you don’t agree with.  We can do it.  We can go on and still make the world a better place.  I find a lot of comfort in the fact that progress is still always possible.