Year in Review – 2020

It would make sense that in late December and early January one would reflect on the past year.  I have done a lot of reflection on 2020, but at the moment, I am not sure how much I feel like writing about it.  When 2020 is discussed in the history books (or devices, or whatever way you get information in the future), the big headline will no doubt be the pandemic that has caused so much loss in so many ways.  I think we all feel those losses, and for me personally there is also a sense of guilt that I would have anything good to share this year in spite of all of the suffering and grief.  But, although I have felt a lot of loss, I have also had a lot of wonderful things enter my life this year.  My blog posts throughout the year have touched on both the good and the bad, and I will refer to those for more details about my life and what has been important to me in 2020.

In general, I would have to say that 2020 has been a challenging year for me in terms of all aspects of my health, including physical, mental, social, emotional, spiritual, and financial health.  I have gained weight, but happily I have lost more than I have gained.  I have worried way more than I should, but I have also learned a lot.  I did not get to see friends very much in person, but I have been able to connect more online.  I have went through some serious lows during our move and looking for a job, but I have had some amazing highs in settling into our new home and in completing our home study for adoption.  I felt my faith fading, but I have found a new church that has inspired me.  I have worried about money, but I have not really had to stress about paying the bills.  As you can see, there is a pattern here.  For pretty much every low, there has been a high.  And for everything in between, that evens the rest of my experience.  In this year of pronounced low points, I have been fortunate enough to still be able to find a lot of the high ones.  I hope that you have as well and will continue to do so.  If not, I hope that those high points will start to come your way in 2021.

The Beginning of My Family’s Journey to Adoption

*This month I am posting an article I wrote for potential publication on another blog.  I hope you enjoy it!

There are many ways to be a pharmacist mom.  You may have biological children, or you may have a marriage that included welcoming step-children into your life.  Each pharmacist mom’s story is unique, and I would like to share the beginning of my family’s journey to adoption.

I met my husband Derek in 2011, and we were married in 2015.  It did not take long for us to start our family, as our son Dexter was born exactly two weeks before our first wedding anniversary.  I have endometriosis, so I was amazed at how quickly I got pregnant.  Other than some moderate morning sickness, the pregnancy was also uneventful, which I greatly appreciated.

We waited about a year to try for a second child, and since then I have struggled with secondary infertility.  And, while we have considered procedures such as IUI and IVF, we currently have decided that it is not the right path for us.  We continue to optimize our health as much as possible to help me to get pregnant again should that happen, but in the last year we have focused our efforts on adoption.

After a year or so of talking and thinking about it, my husband and I decided that we were going to start the process of domestic infant adoption.  This was in the fall of 2019, and we lived in Iowa at the time.  We worked with an adoption agent to get our home study completed, but we chose not to work with an agency.  We also advertised on several adoption websites.  Unfortunately, we did not find any matches, but we also moved to Arizona in the summer of 2020, so we didn’t have a lot of time for a match to be found.

Since we moved to a different state, we have had to start the home study process again since each state has their own requirements.  And, while we have completed as much as we can on our end, we now wait for our home study to be written and then we will need to be certified by a judge.  We anticipate that we will be able to start looking at potential matches in March 2021.  Another big change is that we are looking to adopt from foster care, after deciding that we wanted to expand our range for a child or children to adopt.

It is my hope that I will continue to share my family’s journey to adoption with my fellow pharmacist moms.  I would also love to hear from you.  I have and continue to learn so much about foster care and adoption, so if you have any questions please feel free to reach out.  Also, perhaps you have already fostered or adopted or both and have some wisdom to share with all of us.  I would definitely welcome that wisdom.  Overall, I want to encourage pharmacist moms to spend some time thinking about adoption and foster care and how they might advocate or help in this arena.  As we reach the end of National Adoption Month (which is November of every year), I look forward to my family’s journey and to discussing yet another meaningful path to motherhood.

Pulling Away

I have written this blog for years now.  I used to write a lot more frequently, but lately I have slowed the pace and have also started to feel like I do not have as much to say about mental health as I used to.  Not that there still isn’t a lot more to say, but I am feeling limited in my feelings and research.  I do not think this is either good or bad, but that is what I am experiencing.

With all of the changes that have happened to me and my family this year, I am starting to feel pulled in a different direction.  We are in the process of completing a home study for adopting from foster care, and lately the topics of foster care, adoption, and children in general are all I can think about.  With my background in health care, I have also been thinking a lot about children and medication.  I am pretty ignorant on this subject, but I find myself very worried why we seem to put kids on a lot of medications, especially for behavioral or mental health issues.  Is that really the best answer?  Do we not have the resources to dig deeper and try to treat conditions in different ways?  I understand that I come at this with a lot of judgment, so that is why I want to learn more and try to get a better idea of what is happening.  
 
So, while I might be steering away from mental health, I may not go too far out.  I am deeply concerned about mental health in our children, particularly those in more vulnerable situations, even though by definition all children are vulnerable.  I don’t like how we seem to run to drugging our children so quickly, but again, I could be totally wrong here.  This might be easy for me to say because I have not had to experience it.  If you have any information or thoughts on this topic please feel free to comment and share your feedback.

New Directions

In my last entry, I talked about how my family has moved.  While some of the big items have been checked off of the list, I noted that there are still a lot of changes happening in our lives.  Today, I want to dive deeper into what has changed in my world related to mental health. 

 
In Iowa, I was a member of the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Iowa Board of Directors, and had served as its president for two years.  In addition I have taught NAMI Provider and NAMI Family to Family classes.  Also, I worked on mental health initiatives at my church.  For several years, mental health has been a big focus and a big interest of mine, so I assumed that this would continue when I moved to Arizona. 
 
Perhaps I have not given myself enough time to transition and adjust, because I have not gotten involved in much yet.  I have joined NAMI Arizona and a local chapter of the organization..  I have reached out to the Executive Director of NAMI Arizona but have received no response currently.  I am starting to think about if I could do a mental health Bible study or group at my new church, but I am not sure how that might look.  To sum it up, I am doing a lot of thinking, but not a lot of acting on it.  And, for some reason, that has given me pause.  What could I be doing about mental health here in my new home?  How could I go about it?  Who could I work with?  Where could this work happen?  I am hoping to find some more clarity soon. 
 
In the meantime, if you have some ideas or suggestions, please let me know – I am open to hearing your thoughts

Move

For those who did not know, my family and I have moved to Arizona!  This has been an over 3 month project, and the discussion to make this dream a reality was happening way before then.  I had always talked to my husband about moving to Arizona when we retired, but that is a long time in the future.  My husband was looking to move to a different house and has lived in Iowa his entire life, so between the two of us we decided to move to a retirement location early 🙂  My husband gets a lot of credit from taking something I talked about and making it happen.  It has been a lot of work, but we are excited to start this new chapter in our lives. While this is exciting for us, I would be lying if I said it was all rainbows and butterflies.  To me, moving halfway across the country was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone.  In Iowa, we had it all down and life was very comfortable.  I think part of it was that we wanted to make a change before we got so comfortable we didn’t do anything.  But, there have been many twists and turns along the way.  I have had days and events that were fun and exciting, and days and events that had me pretty down.  This has also been a lot of hard work, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  We have had so much to do, so much to take care of, and there were days when I did not think I would be sitting in my new home like I am now.  However, now that we are on the other side of some of the major events, things are looking pretty sweet 🙂 Of course, this project is not done.  While the house in Iowa has been sold and we are almost settled in, more work has to be done.  My mom moved down with us, and will be moving into her place next week.  That means more unpacking and sorting items at both our place and hers.  I am unable to keep my current job long term, and have been looking for something new.  My son is settling into his new routine at a new preschool and daycare.  We will likely have to start the adoption process all over again since we are in a new state.  My husband and I started a new diet and fitness plan.  And on it goes.  To me, EVERYTHING has changed, and that can be both scary and exciting all at the same time.  But, we truly believe this is an overall great change for our family.  We went to Sedona last weekend, and my husband and I got to hike to the spot where we got married over 5 years ago.  To me, in a way, it was a moment of victory to see how far we have come.

The Great Shift

We are now a little over half way through 2020, and it has been filled with dramatic changes and shifts to our everyday lives.  As we started the year, who would have imagined a global pandemic, protests, riots, and many other events that have shaped the year so far?  I know I had not made any plans for these events.  And, not only have these things affected us physically, but they have all touched us mentally.
 
Then, on a personal level, big changes are happening in my family.  We are moving out of state, so that comes with buying a new home and selling our current one.  I also will not be able to keep my current job, so that will have to change as well.  Alone, these are big changes, but we are making these personal changes in the middle of major global changes.  The only thing constant here is change. 
 
As I look back at the first half of this year, I think I remember someone calling this “The Great Shift”, and I absolutely believe that is true.  SO much is happening right now, and it is a lot to process.  The good news, however, is that I have heard so much more about mental health this year, including it in the conversation instead of having it as an afterthought.  It has been a bright spot in a year full of bad news, and I am glad that people are really considering it on equal footing with their physical health.
 
How has your year been so far?  Do you feel that we are in a “Great Shift”?  Have you been considering your mental health as just as important as your physical health during this time of pandemic?  I am hoping that the last half of 2020 will bring about more positive events and change.

Waiting

Another month, and the pandemic is still a big topic in the world.  Rightfully so, but people are also starting to get restless, and I empathize with that sentiment.  In fact, as I sit here writing this entry, I am struck by how much waiting I feel like I have been doing: 

Waiting to go out on a date with my husband. 
 
Waiting to take my son out to the park or somewhere fun.
 
Waiting to see extended family.
 
Waiting to go out with friends.
 
Waiting to take a vacation. 
 
Waiting to fly on an airplane. 
 
Waiting to go to church.
 
Waiting to attend an event. 
 
Of course, patience is a big weakness for me, but I am not alone in these feelings.  
 
Then, for those struggling with their mental health, I wonder what they might be waiting for, irregardless of the pandemic: 
 
Waiting to have the interest to get out of bed. 
 
Waiting to find something to laugh about. 
 
Waiting to feel less tired. 
 
Waiting to feel less anxious. 
 
Waiting on family or friends to understand. 
 
Waiting on society to understand. 
 
The list could go on forever.  But, how do we move forward?  Is waiting so terrible?  Is waiting necessary?  Is action necessary?
 
Well, there are many answers to these questions, and I definitely know there is no one “right” answer for everyone.  However, for me, it is time to start moving.  It is time to stop waiting and time to take action.  Some of that action may be uncertain and cautious, but it is time to stop thinking so much and to get out there and do.
 
How about you?  What are you waiting for?  Do you still need to wait, or is it time to move forward?  I hope that whatever you decide, you are doing what you think is important and best for you.

Life As We Know It Currently

As I mentioned in my last entry, we are in a time of pandemic.  From my point of view, the situation has not really changed much since the last time I wrote.  A lot of people are either working from home or not at all, children are not physically going to a school building, and most of us are still under orders to “social distance”.  Of course, I prefer the term “physical distance”, because that is the only type of distancing that we are doing in our household.  We are still trying to be as socially connected to others as we can.  Maybe it is just the day I am experiencing, but right now I do not feel like there is a lot more that I can add to describe the situation we find ourselves in.  Honestly, I am tired of the whole pandemic thing.  But, life goes on, and we must find a way to make the best of a tough situation. 

Here are some things I am doing during the pandemic that is benefiting my health, including my mental health:

1.Organizing/cleaning out certain areas of the house

2.Games, walks, etc. with my immediate family

3.Exercising 

4.Reading

5.Listening to music

6.Watching a movie or show

7.Helping/serving others by donating money, time, or things

8.Reaching out to extended family and friends

9.Creating something – writing, dancing, etc.

10.Watching, reading, or listening to funny things

11.Performing acts of kindness

12.Learning new things 

This list is what works for me.  I recognize that for some people this may be silly or overwhelming or not enough to stay busy.  All of that is fine, but the main point is that I want to acknowledge that we are all affected by this pandemic in some way, and we all have ways to keep our health at the forefront of what we are doing.  I hope that you and yours are doing well, and I hope that this pandemic begins to lessen its burden on the world.

Pandemic

No doubt that by the time you read this entry, you are well versed in hearing about the newest pandemic called the Coronavirus, or COVID-19.  I don’t need to rehash the current statistics or talk about the biology, but I want to spend my entry discussing some of the major themes that have occurred to me in the last few weeks.

 
1.The virus itself might be a physical issue, but so many other things come along with it.  For example, this virus is taking its toll on our collective social, financial, economic, emotional, and mental health as well because of the mandated and self-imposed social distancing.  I am concerned about all of the downstream affects this virus is causing, and our mental health is at the top of this list. 
 
2.With the dawn of the internet and social media, there has been a fear of increased social isolation – this pandemic has currently made that even worse.  Personally, as I see activity after activity get canceled, I have realized that we had a lot more social interactions than I would have believed.  Perhaps we were more social than we had thought. 
 
3.Even though I am home with my immediate family, I can FEEL the anxiety and depression rising in our world.  It is understandable, but it challenges me to think of ways I can help and make our current situation better. 
 
4.Even though the pandemic has come with a lot of negatives, I am trying to think about what I can do and learn from this experience.  I am in a fortunate place where I can look at the opportunities that are presented here.  I can find ways to help, and I can even take advantage of the time that has opened up for me. 
 
5.This pandemic overwhelmingly displays how unprepared the world is for an outbreak.  I hope that this will provide us the resources and knowledge we need to keep a pandemic from happening again.
 
6.Honestly, there is so much more to say here, but I wouldn’t know where else to begin.  I have no doubt that hundreds, if not thousands of books will be written about this pandemic.  This is an important moment in history, and we have choices on how it will play out.  We can still take care of ourselves and each other, like we always should have been.
 
Take care of yourself and others as much as possible – we will get through this together.